For My BPC Friends And Anyone Else Who Wants To Create

Creativity is not disobedience.

- Speaker

Just For The Taste Of It

Kyle Freebarin: Here's the recipe for Diet Coke - 2 parts vomit and 1 part hobo diarrhea.

Brandon Anderson: Don't forget the carcinogens.

Kyle:  Oh, yeah.  And 3 parts cancer.

He Told Me To Post This, And I Didn't Argue

Seriously, Brandon should get the Hawes for the MBA Quotes Blog.  If that's not a service to the community, I don't know what is!

- Mathew Harrison

Note To Self - Don't Invent A Time Machine

When I was in Russia, I had a public official once tell me, "If this were 10 years ago, I'd kill you and get away with it."  That was an interesting meeting.

- Speaker

The Cost-Benefit Analysis Doesn't Lie

I decided that I am too old and too cheap to be cool.

- Professor

The Only Thing I Remember From 'The Goal' Is The Fat Kid

Operations is my bottleneck.

- Vasanth Yenegalla

Grades Don't Matter, Right?

Dang, a 97%!  I haven’t gotten that high of a score since 7^th grade.

- Curtis Heyman

Ewwwwww.....

Kyle Lemmon: I thought you didn’t buy Nathan dogs anymore.

Curtis Heyman:  You know, I’m just not willing to pay $6 for anything else.  And I figure, I can hold it until I get home.

Great...Now I'm Hungry

Justin Andersen:  First you have the CPK.  What does CPK mean again?

Janessa Cloward:  California Pizza Kitchen?

We've All Been There, Bro

That..........................test.........................sucked.

- Kenric Russell, gchat status

Hey! We Call It "Human Capital Management" Now

Non-HR Professor:  "If you are an HR person, pay attention for a minute."

(A few minutes later...)

"By the way, the HR people can go back to daydreaming now."

"It Depends" Is Always The Right Answer

Professor:  I wonder if it's gentle enough to shove it up your nose.

 

Moroni Schwab:  Depends on how far you shove it up.

And They Do

Women will buy anything.

- Professor

I Wasn't Going To Say Anything, But Since You Brought It Up...

(Talking about trimming his unibrow):

"[With the Finishing Touch] you can get the Cro-Magnon hairs that I've got here."

- Professor

I Feel Witty, Oh So Witty

I've gotta stop making clever quotes because I'm monopolizing the quote board.

- Erin Page

Short, Dark, and Handsome

Your hair looks really good, Chloe.  When you said on your gchat status that your were going shorter and darker, I thought you were changing your dating preferences.

- David Moss to Chloe Andersen about her new hair style

And I'm Winning

The MBA quote blog is simply a popularity contest.

- Julie Hulet

Only If It Brings All The Boys To The Yard

Frozen hot chocolate?  Isn't that a milkshake?

- Justin Andersen

An Inconvenient Truth

Guest Speaker: (Speaking about laws and ethics) People in industry are always smarter than the government and will find a way around the system.

Professor:  Although this is an MBA class, you should know there are MPAs here.

Mike Brady:  It's okay, they should know this.

I Think He Forgot Who He Was Talking To

Professor: More students can register for my Strategic Issues in Operations class next semester.

Mathew Harrison: Is that a good class, though?

Joe the Plumber

(Joe enters the room after being absent.)

Class: Joe!

Mathew: He's been sleeping with Moroni.  Wait...

Who Is Emily Tanner?

Chloe Andersen:  I don't think Emily is trashy like that.

Julie Hulet: You don't know Emily.

Erin Page: Emily is a dirty, dirty.

(Conversation held while waiting for Emily Tanner to return from being visit taught.)

Any Questions?

Rustin Fullmer: Cody [Campbell] loves his axe.  When he goes camping, he spends his whole time cutting down trees and chopping wood.

Professor: Uhh...OK.  Anyway...back to the questions.

Craig Anderson: Oh, I have a lot of questions about Cody.

The Cheese Is Old And Moldy

Can we reiterate the reason this needs to be ridiculously cheesy?

- Jordan Ryskamp, in reference to "cheesy" Value Analysis Project interview guide questions

Usually They're Offended By My Odor

So you're offended by my arrogance?

- Allison Clements to Thamina Christensen

He's A Little "Slow"

Just because I'm single doesn’t mean I’m retarded.

- Moroni Schwab

HP

Erin Page: HP hates me.

 

Rich Hoopes: Right, HP stands for Hate Page.

Feels Like An Arby's Night

Speaking of Arby's process for slow-roasting beef:

"Yeah and they soak the beef in trash juice as they slow roast it."

- Kyle Freebairn

Why Can't We Be Friends?

It's kinda like Mexico and the US - they hate us, but they're all trying to move here.

- Corey Davis

Zing!

Kate Lindsay: I ran a 5k this summer, and I haven't run since.

 

Nathan Child: We can tell.

Superfriends

Jenny Clawson:  Next week we dress up, like...what do you call those people who save the day?

Group:  Uhh...Superheroes?

Jenny:  Yeah!  Superheroes!

Definitely A Wannabe

WI used to think the Spice Girls song 'Wannabe' was saying that I had to hook up with all the girl's friends before I could hook up with the girl. And I was like, "Man, I got to move to Britain!'

- Brian Henderson

Old Guys Rule

Professor: Do you have anyone on your [networking] list 40 years older than you?

Jenny: You're on the list.

- Jenny Clawson & Professor

She Knows From Personal Experience

No, let me just tell you - fiber ruins lives.

- Erin Page

I Think He Meant To Say Something Else

Professor: Why would you make that decision?

Ryan Wilson: I'm the one who has to sleep with myself every night.

He Does Quality Work

I haven't written a book report since the fifth grade - on a family of gorillas... So I copied a picture of this gorilla family in there and pasted my picture on it, and said 'Here's my family portrait!'

 

Brian Henderson

Overheard in the TNRB

Girl:  You want to fight?

Boy: I just want to do a chest bump.

Class Participation

Professor (who recently did a little bum shake for the class) to a distracted Oliver:  Are you in this program?

Oliver:  I'm sorry.  The butt still has me going.

Let Me Spell It Out For You

Emily Hart: "I used to sell sand."

Professor: "What?"

Emily: "Sand."

Professor: "Sand?  S-A-N-D?"

Emily: "S-A-N-D."

Love You, Mom

I have to go pick up my mom.  The problem is that she's gonna wanna talk.

- Thamina Christensen

Dude Looks Like A Lady

I'm just a pretty brunette.  That's all I am.

- Greg Lee

Waxing Philosophical

We could just look at ourselves in the mirror all day for the rest of our lives and feel completely fulfilled.  Then when God asks, "What did you do?" you can say, "I understood beauty."

- Erin Page making sense of some undergrad's infatuation with herself

This Could Take A While

MAcc student: "How many questions?"

Professor: "Ten Thousand. Each question is worth one one-hundredth of one percent."

Let's Get Ethical, Ethical

I don't have a moral compass.

- Tim Hart

Shout Out To Jason Merrill

Dartmouth is a crock.

- Professor

We're Not Addicted. We Can Quit Anytime We Want.

Curtis Heyman:  I heard he makes us close our computers during this class.

Derek Muiana:  Yeah, he does.

Curtis Heyman:  How am I going to stay awake?

Brandon Anderson:  What are we supposed to do?

Have You Heard?

(In response to the 10,000 emails, announcements, and gchat advertisements about the BPC event.)


Is the BPC kickoff tonight?

- Dallan Huff, ghat status

It's Not A Tumor

Speaking about why she won't go get her headaches checked out by a doctor:

"The other thing is, I don't have time for a brain tumor."

- Jenny Clawson

Grades Don't Matter

I hope you don't care about grades.  We just got a thing about grade distributions.  I don't care about that.

- Professor

Value Add

I add no value in this class.  I don't do anything.

- Professor

At Least It's Not A BHAC

Ronell Hugh: The IT paper is going to be a breeze compared to this.

AnnMarie Dunn:  Except for the part where I have to read a book.

Fear Factor

While getting kicked out of W241 at 12:05 am working on the BHAC paper...

Ryan: Behind Tyson Woodruff, Erin Page is the person I most fear in the MBA program.

AnnMarie: Is that a compliment?

Ryan: I don't know, I think she might actually attack me for that comment.  Now I'm really scared.

- Ryan Wilson and AnnMarie Dunn

Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better

Chloe: I'm better than you at everything.

Ryan: I will always be better than you at peeing standing up

Chloe: I don't know.  I'm pretty talented.

- Chloe Andersen & Ryan Wilson

Key Performance Indicators - In 'N Out Edition

You may be wondering what drives it….cheeseburgers is what drives it.

- Professor

Knee How What?

Ryan Wilson to Dave Zhong:

"I won't correct your Mandarin if you don't correct my English!"

(in response to the grammatical error Dave pointed out in Ryan's gchat status)

BHAC Attack

BHAC ruined my whole weekend...plus the week before...

- Anonymous

BHAP

BIG HORRENDOUS ASININE PAPER

- Anonymous

You're In Good Hands With Allstate

Underwriting insurance for cars or homes - that's easy and straightforward.  It can easily be outsourced.  But insuring a baseball player's arm or J-Lo's rear end, that's a lot less codifiable.

- Professor

BHAC - Big Hairy Audacious Crap

gchat status:

"Giving myself until 10pm to be done with the BHAC.  I just erased everything I wrote because it was crap.  41 minutes to go."

- Anonymous

Classic Mathew

At 9:41pm, the night before the paper is due...

"I'm changing my BHAC."

--Mathew Harrison

Formula For Success

So far, this is the sweetest Excel formula I've pumped out tonight:

=(BZ7/(BZ3-BZ5))*(1-((1+BZ5)/(1+BZ3))^2)+(BZ11/(1+BZ3)^2)

It's most of the Two-Stage Growth formula for valuing stocks with nonconstant dividend growth. Just thought I'd share because I almost frisbeed my laptop across the room in a fit of glee when the answer came out right. Don't ask what the freak I'm doing out there in column BZ. I don't even know. I think I'm going to want that formula on my cheat sheet, but I better not need to use it on the mid-term.

- Erik Rasmussen

Creativity

When you are creative with finance, you go to jail.  When you are creative in marketing, you win awards.

- Professor

Gross Assets

They have a lot of assets that are going to be gross in 50 years.  They are to the hotel industry what the red hut pizza houses were to pizza.  They are now disgustingly skanky.

- Professor

Bromancing The Stone

Brian Henderson: Do you think there's too much bromance in the MBA program?

AnnMarie Dunn: No.  I don't think so.  But there does seem to be quite a bit of it.  Why is that?

Brandon Anderson: There's just a lot of dudes. And when you get a lot of dudes together, magic happens.

Classic Girly Sleepover

Erin Page: Yes, I have a room.  W221.  Come with me and we can study and laugh.

Emily Tanner: And have a pillow fight in our panties.

I Saw The Sign

I'm not gonna lie.  I've listened to "I Saw The Sign" 41 times.  What?  It's a good workout song!

- Emily Tanner

TLAs - Three Letter Acronyms

Professor: "And one more pet peeve of mine you all need to remember in your writing: DUA"

Murmurs from class: "What? Wait, what does DUA mean?"

Professor: "Don't Use Acronyms!"

BHAL - Big Hairy Audacious Life

My life is kinda like my hair - wild, crazy, and all over the place.

 

- Emily Hart

Trust: The Foundation of Any Healthy Relationship

I may not be the most exciting husband for my wife, but she can trust me.

- Professor

Big Daddy

If Daddy ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

- Professor

Slumdog CPA

Hanging out with accountants – we call that “Slumming” in the business world.

- Professor

Mmm...Donuts

We've taken this like a donut, and glazed over it...

- Jesse Carman, discussing a group case

MBA Blasphemy

I don’t think exiting the market, unless you’re exiting capitalism, is a good idea.

- Professor

All My Title Ideas For This One Are Too Dirty To Post

Greg Lee: Some companies are competing on convenience now. One that comes to mind is Cialis and Viagra.

Jenny Clawson: Just comes to mind, huh?

- Greg Lee & Jenny Clawson

More Twilight...Because You Can Never Have Enough Twilight

Dave Bishop: [New Moon] is going to be a Girls' Night Out. I planned it that way.

 

Joe Nabrotzky: Smart thinking. Edward is dreamy, though. And that werewolf...

 

- David Bishop & Joe Nabrotzky

Twilight

Chloe: Don't try to blame reading Twilight on your wife.

Joe: No. Twilight's all me. Gotta have my fantasies.

 

- Chloe Andersen & Joe Nabrotzky

Are You Being Sarcastic?

So you are using sarcasm to make your point, huh?  Sarcasm - the highest form of wit.

 

Professor to Greg Lee

It Wasn't Me! It Was The One-Armed Man!

I got a parking ticket ... but I was totally innocent.

- Jenny Clawson

At Least He Doesn't Fail Anyone

If you quit on me you will die.  I will shoot you and not look back.

- Professor

M&A

We will assimilate you and add your distinctiveness to ours.

- Professor

I Got My PhD In Writing Left-Handed

Why am I writing left-handed?  I don't know...because I can.

- Professor

I Am What I Am

Jenn: "Do you have to be something you're not?"

 

Professor: "In general we'll let you be what you are.  So guess what you'll be?"

-Professor to Jenn Larson

Elevator Pitch

After sitting in this line for 20 minutes ... Then waiting for the recruiter to piddle around the booth for at least 10 more minutes, she finally comes up and starts talking...

About three minutes into things:

Recruiter: “So tell me why you want to work for American Airlines?”

Nat: “uhhh” “uhhh” “uhhh ... because it’s a big airline”



Nat: “just give me that resume back”

- Nat Smith

It's OK, I Have A Doctor's Note

Don't you wish you had Tourette's or something?  So you could just yell out whatever you wanted at any moment and have a medical excuse for it.

- Jenny Clawson

A Visionary Man

Kyle: He is just such a visionary, Chloe.  I hang onto his every word!

- Kyle Pully, in response to Oliver's quote in the Deseret News

Everyone Was Thinking It, He Just Said It

Everything you need to know about HR you can learn from Dilbert.  That’s where I learned it, anyway.

- Professor

Slick Willy

Professor: "Bill Clinton took credit for the economic recovery the day after he took office.  The truth is that Donald Duck could have been President and the economy still would have recovered."

Matt Kempton: "Donald Duck doesn't wear pants either."

- Professor & Matt Kempton

Coup de Grace

I would entertain a class coup if you really want to have an open book test... 

- Professor

One BILLION Dollars

Brent Walker: "Look, it isn’t even very much… just .8”

Kate Lindsay: “Right, .8 BILLION"

- Brent Walker & Kate Lindsay, discussing the worth of “Coin” on the Fed’s Balance Sheet

Scripture Power

My wife is so good.  She reads scriptures and stuff like that.

- Professor

Let There Be SumIf

When God created the Earth, he opened Excel.

- Oliver Christensen

I'm No Entomologist, But...

I think people are fairly different from cockroaches.

So, do you think that cockroaches care what other cockroaches think about them?

- Jason Merrill

Gut Check

Find the people with the calibrated guts.

- Professor

Horse Soup: Mmm...Mmm...Mmm...Good!

If you were eating soup and you threw in one horse and one rabbit, it would taste more like horse.

- Professor

Pretty Open

Emily: "I feel like we are open all the time."  (In reference to being open to receive the ball during flag football practice).

Erin: "That's because we're the prettiest."

- Erin Page & Emily Tanner

Nice Parameters!

See how sexy these [Excel] parameters are? It makes your heart soar like a hawk.

- Professor

Some Groups Are Too Close

(after looking over Jay Hart's shoulder at his computer):

Jason Stapley: "Jay, are you wearing Original Scent Speed Stick today?"

Jay Hart: "Why yes, Jason, I am!"

- Jason Stapley & Jay Hart

You're Fired!

- Once you've fired three people you've fired 500.

David Moss

Love and Marriage

Matt: “You get to hang out with your wife all day.”

Chris: “Yeah, but that’s not by choice!”

- Matt Kempton & Chris Kellett

Mmm...Pizza

By now you're all probably thinking, I could've gone to my statistics class and fallen asleep. Why did I come here to fall asleep? The answer is, because we have pizza.

- Guest Presenter