It's only an analogy, thank goodness

Professor: "the next kind of analogy:"

(writes “Seductive” on the board)

Josh Kruse: Ooooh, my favorite kind

Dumb people are good for something

Professor (discussing Warren Buffet’s investment skills):  “Smart people take money from dumb people until dumb people don't have anything left to invest"

I think you're doing it wrong

Professor: Brian, Have you ever shorted a stock?

Brian Clegg: Yes

Professor: What do you do?

Brian Clegg: I lose money...

To be fair, it smells like other things too

Doug Mumford:  "I usually avoid the lounge because it always smells like curry, which is good to eat, but not to lounge in."

In this case, grades DO matter... as long as they're better than a C+

(Aaron Johnson and Ryan Christensen discussing internship status)

Ryan: So yeah, I got an internship offer.

Aaron: Awesome! Now all you have to do is pass your classes…. unless you care about the widow’s mite.

Definitely the better half

(Kenric Russell and wife Becky sitting down to join Amazon and Microsoft alumni at a dinner table.)

Microsoft alumnus:  So, Kenric, what do you want to do when you graduate?

Kenric: Uh.......I.......

Becky:  He really wants to work for either Amazon or Microsoft.  What a coincidence!

Old is not an age, it's a state of mind

Background ~ Professor professor in his 70's

Professor: Does anyone recognize this toothpaste? (as he holds up a red toothpaste)
Josh Kruse: I would never put red toothpaste in my mouth.
Professor: That's because your an old fogey.

I don't think it was the fault of the plastic people

(While playing a game of foosball against Merritt Aho)

Matt Conran: "That was the worst display of athleticism of plastic people ever!"

Ummm...

Tara Hair: "Some day when I have a wife, I'll eat better."

Choosing your words carefully is a virtue when around the person who runs the Quote Blog

(While walking to the Target party at NBMBAA, after attending another party that had nametags)

Jennia Parkin (referring to Chris's nametag):  What does that red dot mean? Oh i thought it meant virgin...."

Chris DuBois and Janessa Cloward start cracking up.

Jennia:  "Not like that, like virgin drinks!  Oh man, I need to be careful about saying stupid things around you guys!"

Leadership even in death is true leadership

(while doing a practice interview)

Carly Pedersen: "So tell me about a time when you showed leadership."

David Moss: "Okay, let me tell you another one related to death.  So there I was..."

It's like Christmas!

While working on a group case for finance-

Carol Ng:  "This is so much fun!  I had to force myself to sleep last night to
keep myself from thinking about this case!"

Witty titles are sacrilegious

Professor:  The first two quorums of the seventy are the lifers. they don't get out alive. It's a bad deal.

Poor baby Mario

Mario Ruiz: "I'm teething."

Not what you want to hear from your professors

Professor:  You don't really see this much from me because I'm a nice little love machine up here...

What's the saying about a broken clock always being right twice?

Professor's response to a student's incorrect answer: "YES!  That's the right answer...to a different question."

FUNance? Not with jokes like these...

Professor: "What kind of museum would want to buy a boring mill?  A Boring Museum!"

Jack Shirts, Sore Loser

(After losing to the 1st years in tug-of-war at the opening social)

Jack Shirts: "Don't ask for a contact from me, folks!"

Two from Tara

Tara Hair:  I love pillows.  I would live in a padded room if I could!
Chris DuBois:  Well...  that seems like a possibility.

Tara: Was Gidget that surfer movie with Sally Ride?
Chris:  Yeah, it was called Gidget, but I'm pretty sure Sally Ride exploded in the Challenger.

(Note:  Sally Ride wasn't on the Challenger, making this just a comedy of errors)

Oops!

(After explaining the KUP decision making model)

Professor:  "(Use this model) for the really important decisions you'll make in life… like who to marry."

Student:  "Too late."

Milk was a bad choice...

David Chung to Tyler White discussing Tyler's choice of drinking only Whole Milk.

"Just because you don't have a fat gut, doesn't mean you don't have clogged arteries."

Apparently analytics is totally against the honor code

Professor:  "The analytics people need to be eating, drinking, and sleeping with the people in the business.  Well, I guess not sleeping with them."

The secret to success in analytics

(after watching an clip from The Fog of War with the profanity edited out)

Professor:  So what did we learn from this video?
Edgar Cheney:  You can't have analytics without swearing.
Dan Howell:  Hell yeah!

Don't we all...

Rick Swensen: My wife made me zucchini bread this morning
Jennia Parkin: I need a wife!
Rick: I highly recommend it

Nature's Beauty

Passing a bunch of stopped cars in Yellowstone National Park, Vasanth Yenegalla, through the window, asked a stopped tourist what everyone was looking at. The tourist turned to answer, but the driver of his car (Dave Olligschlager) didn't stop, and Vasanth protested saying, "Stop! Stop! She won't know what creature was talking to her!" Dave stopped the car 30 feet later, and Vasanth leaped from the car like a kid at Christmas. 

 

Moments later, Dave asked, "Who let Vasanth out of the car? We better all go out and get him." Vasanth returned before we got far.  He was then asked, "What was it? How good is it on a scale of 1 to 10?" Vasanth answered, "it's an elk, really far down there! I don't know what you will think, but for me it was a 9!" (To give you a scale, he later rated an incredibly beautiful ravine a "3".)

Well, it was probably a LITTLE different

Dave Stuart:  I lost my cell phone and didn't have it for a whole month and it was like not having the holy ghost.

Everyone thanks you for that promise

While discussing Nicole's plans to take over the world in a team meeting:

Nicole Clement: Y'all can be my minions!

Tyler Blackhurst: Oooh, I've always wanted to be a bouncer

Nicole: Ya'll just have to pay me a small bribe

Tyler then offers "I promise as your bouncer to never strip." 

Nicole: Uh, thanks Tyler!

I'm sure there are plenty of answers to that question

A first-year professor explained how his wife got rid of the tv 6 years ago.  He then asked her: "How else are you supposed to commune with Satan?"

Divine Intervention is Definitely Needed Here

Dick Smith: When is the big Date? (asking about Andrea's wedding)

Andrea Cordani: Its like the second coming,... only God knows!!

It's not just a river in... Brazil?

Professor:  How long is the Nile river?  4100 miles.
Doug Bodily:  Yeah!  Did any of our Brazilian friends get that!?
Classmate to Doug:  Um....the Nile is in Egypt Doug.

Just in from Moab...

Cannon Hamaker to Marketing Students in the Wal-Mart Lounge

“I at least want to know their name before I sleep with them.  When I wake up next to him in the morning I want to know what to call him.”

Mike Karlsven: “Is there a lot of abuse among the military spouses?”

Kari Ann Young:  “They’re trained killers, Mike.”

Ouch

(On going to the New Graduate Student Dinner)
Anonymous:  "I just want to meet new men because all of the MBA ones are bad.

Same professor, different quote

Professor:  "It's like the Emperor's New Clothes. We don't want to expose all of our bad stuff. Wait, that's a terrible analogy."

WAAAAAAAAAAAAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION!

Professor:  Sometimes I take my laptop to bed and stroke it while I fall asleep.  My wife has finally convinced me to not take it camping with us, but it's definitely an integral part of my life.  I just get some warm fuzzy feelings thinking about how that sleek apple performs so quickly.

BYU-style Payback

(First comment of IT class before class even starts)
Josh Kruse:  I'll be honest, that article was a major snoozer.
(Class laughs)
Professor:  And praying us today will be Josh Kruse...

The best future father in the world award goes to Jack!

Jack Shirts:  I really want my baby, in utero, to appreciate Boyz II Men!

Google status war!

Tara Hair's Gchat status: "To the person who spilled my soup in the refrigerator and left it there for me to find, you are awesome. =) You are also welcome to buy me lunch today."

Merritto Aho's Gchat Status:  "Re: Tara Hair's status - Dear person, I suspect you also took my tamale box out of my bag, took my tamale out of the box, and hid it in another area of the fridge. You truly are awesome. Thanks for not unwrapping the corn husk."

Three for the price of none

(After Mike McInelly derives an equation to solve a question)

Molly Biolo: You know Mike, you’re pretty smart.

Mike:  Ummm, thanks, I guess, but you sound pretty surprised?

Molly: Well, you’re just way smarter than you look.

(During the 6 hour drive back from the OB/HR rafting trip) 

Elizabeth Keeler (after some un-discernible comment, which led to some teasing): You know, my thoughts are just greater than your thoughts…

(While working on the accounting homework) 

Cecilia Yiu (on she really likes Accounting.):  I don’t know, I just really like putting things into baskets.

Mike McInelly: Then what the heck are you doing here!  You should be working the night shift at Wal-Mart stocking inventory!

Cases

Ray Kearney: Can anyone give me a summary of the case?
Brittany Riggs: Did you read the case?
Ray: Yeah, but that doesn't always help.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the true Josh Kruse

Professor: Mario, would you offer a prayer for us?    And you can offer it in Spanish if you'd like.

Josh Kruse:  And that's what we call, "Racial Profiling."

Al is smrt

Al Camargo:  I can't believe I'm planning my schedule for my last semester ever.  I still remember when it first started.

Jack Shirts, Chris DuBois, and Merritt Aho (at the same time):  I would hope so, it was only a year ago!  You're not that old...

Seems reasonable enough

From Professor's syllabus: "Late work will not be accepted unless you have just delivered triplets in the back seat of a taxi."

So THAT'S how that works

Updated with names...  names make it more fun (as long as no one gets embarassed!)

Within a group study session, Elizabeth Keeler to Austin Wilcox and Tyler Blackhurst about her days as a teacher:
"I had a Korean student who was from Korea ... that's why she was Korean."

The primary difference between MBAs and MPAs

MPA student to Professor: Next Wednesday is the United Day of Caring.  Morning classes are cancelled.

Other MPA student:  I think that is only for the MPA program.

Jay Hart: The MBA program doesn't actual care.

The Feeling Is Mutual

Professor to a student in class: "You are so far below junk, you don't even show up on the radar!  And not just you!  Everyone in this class!"