Today is pile on Ops day apparently

(discussion about whether to take an ops class next semester)

Marshall Weidman: What’s to know about a factory? Stuff comes in and stuff goes out

Ops drives us all to crazy things

Kari Ann Young:  "During the operations test, I just couldn't stop thinking about 12 year old boys"

A discrepancy the size of the universe

In discussion about establishing a common purpose within an organization.

Professor:  "In the church, we have these big hairy audacious goals--I mean, being like God!?!  There is a pretty big discrepancy between that and how Jay (Hart) is right now."

Mmmm, tasteful food...

From Negotiations class:

Professor: How do you measure tasteful?

Justin Anderson: The restaurants will be really good J

Somehow I forgot to post this one...

9/9/10 6:58am 

Burt Williams: “So, if you leave a suit in your car overnight, can that make it shrink, cause my suit feels much smaller?”

Mike Eaton: “Umm, no Burt, I think there’s something else that’s making your suit feel tight!”

And the truth comes out!

Lewis Gunther, Section 3 President, was beginning to make a comment in class and this is how he started his comment:

“My Husband…”

The whole class busted out in laughter and he just couldn’t recover from there.

I'm sure there's a business plan here somewhere...

Benjamin Rabner: Where do you get a Bio-hazard Suit?
Nick Lyon: I don't know, but you can use a Bio-hazard suit for so many things.

We all wish we were Howard

Brandon Wells: I hate being a white male. I wish I was Asian like Howard (Kuan).

Way to make first interviews even more awkward

Professor: What's a irresistible analogy to job search?

Dave Moss:  Well, people always say it's like dating. 

Al Camargo: I'm sorry, I just don't see how job searching can be as enjoyable as dating.

Professor:  It's true, you rarely kiss after the first interview.

The other two thirds speak especially whiny French

Professor: "I think about a third of France speaks French"

Rough night!

Overheard from a single girl in the MBA program:

"So I had 2 DTRs last night..."

The Britt Chapman Show

In Ethics class
Professor Agle: "Is there anything wrong with the Golden Rule?"
Britt Chapman (instantly shouts out): "I've got a problem with it!"


During the Ethics case discussing debriefing:
Moderator showed this awe inspiring quote about keeping your word

"My young friends, place me behind prison walls -- walls of stone ever so high, ever so thick reaching ever so far into the ground -- there is a possibility that in some way or another I may be able to escape; but stand me on the floor and draw a chalk line around me and have me give my word of honor never to cross it. Can I get out of that circle? No, never! I would die first!"

After the moderator read the quote, Britt raised his hand and stated,
"Well that quote makes me never want to give my word for anything ever again!"


Just before a professor started a quiz in class:
Britt to Ammon Chase: "Hey let me cheat off you or I will steal your lunch."
Ammon (smiling): "Well that was in interesting statement."
Britt: "Oh no, now you are going to submit that to the stupid quote board." 

A worthy goal

Jared Christensen: "I want to be that high paid dot up there"

Professor: "So your goal in life is to be a 60 year old standard deviant?"

Never camp with David Moss

Professor: It's difficult to distinguish between wants and needs. Beyond food, shelter, and toilet paper, everything else is a want, right?  

Dave Moss: No, you don't really need toilet paper.

We all wish there was an excel formula for everything

Chatting about an Investments' spreadsheet with Luke Sutton:

Luke: Have you looked at the spreadsheet assignment?

darrencknight: yeah, got stuck at calculating the spot price

Luke: Gotcha. I am having the same issue.

darrencknight: *spot rate

Luke: formula?

darrencknight: not sure what you mean?

Luke: Nothing. I was thinking that when you wrote "*spot rate" that was some sort of excel formula or something. I am an idiot.

darrencknight: oh, haha. I'm glad you accept that...

Luke: HAHA

Positional Stereotyping

Jasmine Palmer throws a mini football to Brittany Riggs and says, "you have to catch it!"

Britt doesn't.

Malorie Lewis: "that's why she's the quarterback"

Must've been really hard on his wife...

Professor: Has anyone here worked in production? Have you ever produced anything and know what goes into to?
David Moss: My wife and I made a baby. That took 9 months.

A futile task if ever there was one

(Speaking about being about being risk averse and whether it crosses into other categories in your life)

Luke Humphries:  My mother in law basically bet her house on a business, but would never take a bet like this (50% of losing $2000).

Professor:  Interesting. So can you reconstruct her thought process in any way?

Luke:  It's my mother-in-law.  Not a chance.

Three from Tyler Casper

Tyler Casper: (when talking about designers) "Oh, Obama isn't liberal enough for me.  I voted for Nader."


Anonymous: Are you going to the dinner at the professors house?
Tyler:  Why did you ask it like a fat girl just asked you to prom.


Tyler: I can't believe you don't know my name.  How do you not know it by now?
Professor:  I have a snappy remark for that.
Tyler: oh, please share
Professor:  Neither do any of the single ladies....Zing.

Cleaning up the herd

Shared by a professor:

"It would be terrible to shoot the wrong person.  I can eliminate the problem with J-Walking real easily...round up 15 random J-walkers every month and shoot them...a gun is a great motivator

At least he didn't call you Newman!

Eric Fors: (after listening to Jay Hart and Jack Shirts banter, throws his arms up in the air) I don't believe this, you guys might as well be Jerry and George!

Jay: Who's who?

Jack: Hey! what are saying about my hairline?

Proof that you'll retain EVERYTHING you're learning in MBA school (riiight...)

Class of 2010 graduates Paul Winterowd and Ronell Hugh during a conversation discussing real estate investments...

Paul: It's a good thing we got our MBA so create spreadsheets to figure all this stuff out

Ronell: Ya, now we know how to calculate that NPR

Paul:  Uhh, I think it's called a NPV...

Covering all the bases

(in Heaton’s Class)

Adam Cuppett: we’re going to have a riveting discussion today : cigarettes and beer

Aaron Lund: now all we to do is discuss a porn case and we’ll be all set.

Proper form is important

Professor moving a heavy box full of books, while Doug Mumford sits behind him watching.

Doug: "Way to lift with your legs."

Congrats Joe!

Joe Hilton: Look at me, I'm a Mormon!

Thanks for the insight, Josh!

Josh Kruse:  "If men were forced to be women there would be no propagation"

A phrase not commonly heard at BYU

(For the second years:  In LeBaron's leadership class, the tool he uses to select students to summarize the readings is called "Satan.")

Bradley Linell: I've had good luck with Satan!

The easiest path in finance is usually not the one to go with

Professor: Did you say you wanted to do the debt or equity line
Todd Castagna: I said debt, but which ones easier
Professor: Equity, but we're going ahead with debt.

Valuable work experience

John Ellis:  “I worked at Taco Bell… for 3 weeks”

What side isn't the feminine side?

Jason: "Check your e-mail"

Jay: "Why?"

Jason: "I sent you something that will appeal to your feminine side."

Sometimes "Too Sexy" becomes "Not Sexy At All"

Andrea Cordani:  "Having a hairy chest isn't against BYU grooming standards."

Thamina Sbai:  "It should be."

It's "fair"

Professor: And why does DeWalt allow women, who aren't their primary target market, test drive their tools at NASCAR events?

Bradley Linnell: Title IX

Wait, that's easy?

Professor: Don't turn your brains off just because it's easy to calculate an average and multiply

That came out wrong

Brandon Wells (referring to Malorie's Boise State shirt): Malorie, take that shirt off right now! (pause) I mean, put something else on too of course...  That came out wrong

Well said

Professor (addressing the class):  So which of these options is more complex?

No response from the class....

Britt Chapman (raises his hand): Uh... I don't know.

I'm not convinced...

David Moss:  "If it were between BBQ chips and Curry chips, I'd take curry because I'm sophisticated."

Marital exit strategies

Brandon Wells: If you're going to be a trophy wife, you need to sit courtside (at an NBA game), not in the nosebleeds. How are the players going to see you?

Janessa Cloward: I'm not sure that'll work...what about that whole flirt-to-convert thing?

Brandon: If he's in the NBA, you know he'll cheat on you, so just don't get a pre-nup. You'll get a divorce in a year and end up with his money, and then you can marry your good little Mormon boy.

Janessa and Brittany Riggs: I guess that works...

Brandon: It's called an exit strategy, ladies. Welcome to business school.

Case in point

Justin Andersen (discussing a negotiation):  Wait, is Carly part of the union?
Chris DuBois: Don't worry, Carly's deaf anyway.
Carly (on the other side of the lounge):  What'd you say, I'm dead to you?!?
Justin:  Exactly

It's for the best

Jack Shirts to Tara Hair when talking about going to dance clubs.

Jack:  I'm not allowed to dance in public. I've been told I dance like Bill Cosby and i like cool 80's sweaters. I've said too much already.

Thank goodness it's not!

Professor:  "This is not a striptease!  Go faster!"

That's saying a lot!

(At the GFA Mock interview event)

Dean Graham: "So how'd you do?"

Rhett Weller: "I bombed a mock interview. That's more depressing than the accounting final."

When in Rome...

Brandon Wells:  The Romans gave us the aqueducts and the monogamy..... 2 out-of-date things.

Not a study I want to be involved in

Professor: I’ve been doing studies on the effects o things like passing gas in public, picking your nose…etc

Anonymous Coward: Out of curiosity, how do you study that?

I have nothing on this one...

Brent Taylor (to Shilpa Manjeshwar): You know, if the finance interview doesn’t work out, eBay does have a call center in Sandy

Mark Stoker: Wow Brent, can you say racial profiling?

Great night of sleep, guaranteed!

Professor: Does anybody read the s&p 500 ratings manual?

(silence)

Broc Wilde: yeah, that one’s right on my nightstand

But what language are they in?

Andrea Cordani:  "There are actually a couple of swear words that I really like"

Three guesses what professor said this...

Professor:  "Did I give you a really hard quiz question today?  Yes, I gave you the hardest question known to mankind!"

Hang in there...

Devon Black: "So Steve when do you expect to get rejected by XYZ Company "

Steve Selden: "He said it would take 1-2 weeks to finalize the rejection letter"

Recruiting season can really get you down...

Avoid the Anonymous Coward

Anonymous Coward (via email):  yay for me, I have crabs...........................................next to all my items!

Anonymous coward strikes again

Professor:  "How good do you think my wife felt when I put my first million dollars in the bank and paid off my mortgage?"

Anonymous Coward:  "Better than my wife"

No Doubt About It

Josh Kruse:  "I get the feeling that other people think a lot more than I do"

Playing the part is important too, I guess...

Rhett Weller: "Seth, Why are you dressed up today?"
Seth Gonzalez: "Phone interview"

Even after brain surgery, Jasmine rocks

Jasmine Palmer (After receiving a University of Utah mug in the hospital):  "Don't worry, we'll burn it after I'm done with it."

Sure you are Brandon!

Brandon Wells: "I should have done HR.  Oh, wait, but I'm not a mariposa."

Anonymous coward says funny thing

Anonymous student who's too cowardly to let me use his name:  "Hey Matt, you wanna get a room Monday at 8?"

Matt Conran: "Ummm.."

Anonymous coward:  "Maybe I should preface that.  Hey wait, don't put my name on that quote, the first thing that you get when you search my name is that stupid quote blog."

Makes me want to work out

Professor talking about the biases of our generation:  "Your parents had racism and sexism, but you have fat-ism. Your generation has a bias against fatness, so you are all going to grow up and be fat-ists."

Goldilocks said the same thing...

Classmate: "Why don't you have a bed, David?"

David Chung: "I was thinking of getting a bed, but you know, other people's are better."

It's only an analogy, thank goodness

Professor: "the next kind of analogy:"

(writes “Seductive” on the board)

Josh Kruse: Ooooh, my favorite kind

Dumb people are good for something

Professor (discussing Warren Buffet’s investment skills):  “Smart people take money from dumb people until dumb people don't have anything left to invest"

I think you're doing it wrong

Professor: Brian, Have you ever shorted a stock?

Brian Clegg: Yes

Professor: What do you do?

Brian Clegg: I lose money...

To be fair, it smells like other things too

Doug Mumford:  "I usually avoid the lounge because it always smells like curry, which is good to eat, but not to lounge in."

In this case, grades DO matter... as long as they're better than a C+

(Aaron Johnson and Ryan Christensen discussing internship status)

Ryan: So yeah, I got an internship offer.

Aaron: Awesome! Now all you have to do is pass your classes…. unless you care about the widow’s mite.

Definitely the better half

(Kenric Russell and wife Becky sitting down to join Amazon and Microsoft alumni at a dinner table.)

Microsoft alumnus:  So, Kenric, what do you want to do when you graduate?

Kenric: Uh.......I.......

Becky:  He really wants to work for either Amazon or Microsoft.  What a coincidence!

Old is not an age, it's a state of mind

Background ~ Professor professor in his 70's

Professor: Does anyone recognize this toothpaste? (as he holds up a red toothpaste)
Josh Kruse: I would never put red toothpaste in my mouth.
Professor: That's because your an old fogey.

I don't think it was the fault of the plastic people

(While playing a game of foosball against Merritt Aho)

Matt Conran: "That was the worst display of athleticism of plastic people ever!"

Ummm...

Tara Hair: "Some day when I have a wife, I'll eat better."

Choosing your words carefully is a virtue when around the person who runs the Quote Blog

(While walking to the Target party at NBMBAA, after attending another party that had nametags)

Jennia Parkin (referring to Chris's nametag):  What does that red dot mean? Oh i thought it meant virgin...."

Chris DuBois and Janessa Cloward start cracking up.

Jennia:  "Not like that, like virgin drinks!  Oh man, I need to be careful about saying stupid things around you guys!"

Leadership even in death is true leadership

(while doing a practice interview)

Carly Pedersen: "So tell me about a time when you showed leadership."

David Moss: "Okay, let me tell you another one related to death.  So there I was..."

It's like Christmas!

While working on a group case for finance-

Carol Ng:  "This is so much fun!  I had to force myself to sleep last night to
keep myself from thinking about this case!"

Witty titles are sacrilegious

Professor:  The first two quorums of the seventy are the lifers. they don't get out alive. It's a bad deal.

Poor baby Mario

Mario Ruiz: "I'm teething."

Not what you want to hear from your professors

Professor:  You don't really see this much from me because I'm a nice little love machine up here...

What's the saying about a broken clock always being right twice?

Professor's response to a student's incorrect answer: "YES!  That's the right answer...to a different question."

FUNance? Not with jokes like these...

Professor: "What kind of museum would want to buy a boring mill?  A Boring Museum!"

Jack Shirts, Sore Loser

(After losing to the 1st years in tug-of-war at the opening social)

Jack Shirts: "Don't ask for a contact from me, folks!"

Two from Tara

Tara Hair:  I love pillows.  I would live in a padded room if I could!
Chris DuBois:  Well...  that seems like a possibility.

Tara: Was Gidget that surfer movie with Sally Ride?
Chris:  Yeah, it was called Gidget, but I'm pretty sure Sally Ride exploded in the Challenger.

(Note:  Sally Ride wasn't on the Challenger, making this just a comedy of errors)

Oops!

(After explaining the KUP decision making model)

Professor:  "(Use this model) for the really important decisions you'll make in life… like who to marry."

Student:  "Too late."

Milk was a bad choice...

David Chung to Tyler White discussing Tyler's choice of drinking only Whole Milk.

"Just because you don't have a fat gut, doesn't mean you don't have clogged arteries."

Apparently analytics is totally against the honor code

Professor:  "The analytics people need to be eating, drinking, and sleeping with the people in the business.  Well, I guess not sleeping with them."

The secret to success in analytics

(after watching an clip from The Fog of War with the profanity edited out)

Professor:  So what did we learn from this video?
Edgar Cheney:  You can't have analytics without swearing.
Dan Howell:  Hell yeah!

Don't we all...

Rick Swensen: My wife made me zucchini bread this morning
Jennia Parkin: I need a wife!
Rick: I highly recommend it

Nature's Beauty

Passing a bunch of stopped cars in Yellowstone National Park, Vasanth Yenegalla, through the window, asked a stopped tourist what everyone was looking at. The tourist turned to answer, but the driver of his car (Dave Olligschlager) didn't stop, and Vasanth protested saying, "Stop! Stop! She won't know what creature was talking to her!" Dave stopped the car 30 feet later, and Vasanth leaped from the car like a kid at Christmas. 

 

Moments later, Dave asked, "Who let Vasanth out of the car? We better all go out and get him." Vasanth returned before we got far.  He was then asked, "What was it? How good is it on a scale of 1 to 10?" Vasanth answered, "it's an elk, really far down there! I don't know what you will think, but for me it was a 9!" (To give you a scale, he later rated an incredibly beautiful ravine a "3".)

Well, it was probably a LITTLE different

Dave Stuart:  I lost my cell phone and didn't have it for a whole month and it was like not having the holy ghost.

Everyone thanks you for that promise

While discussing Nicole's plans to take over the world in a team meeting:

Nicole Clement: Y'all can be my minions!

Tyler Blackhurst: Oooh, I've always wanted to be a bouncer

Nicole: Ya'll just have to pay me a small bribe

Tyler then offers "I promise as your bouncer to never strip." 

Nicole: Uh, thanks Tyler!

I'm sure there are plenty of answers to that question

A first-year professor explained how his wife got rid of the tv 6 years ago.  He then asked her: "How else are you supposed to commune with Satan?"

Divine Intervention is Definitely Needed Here

Dick Smith: When is the big Date? (asking about Andrea's wedding)

Andrea Cordani: Its like the second coming,... only God knows!!

It's not just a river in... Brazil?

Professor:  How long is the Nile river?  4100 miles.
Doug Bodily:  Yeah!  Did any of our Brazilian friends get that!?
Classmate to Doug:  Um....the Nile is in Egypt Doug.

Just in from Moab...

Cannon Hamaker to Marketing Students in the Wal-Mart Lounge

“I at least want to know their name before I sleep with them.  When I wake up next to him in the morning I want to know what to call him.”

Mike Karlsven: “Is there a lot of abuse among the military spouses?”

Kari Ann Young:  “They’re trained killers, Mike.”

Ouch

(On going to the New Graduate Student Dinner)
Anonymous:  "I just want to meet new men because all of the MBA ones are bad.

Same professor, different quote

Professor:  "It's like the Emperor's New Clothes. We don't want to expose all of our bad stuff. Wait, that's a terrible analogy."

WAAAAAAAAAAAAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION!

Professor:  Sometimes I take my laptop to bed and stroke it while I fall asleep.  My wife has finally convinced me to not take it camping with us, but it's definitely an integral part of my life.  I just get some warm fuzzy feelings thinking about how that sleek apple performs so quickly.

BYU-style Payback

(First comment of IT class before class even starts)
Josh Kruse:  I'll be honest, that article was a major snoozer.
(Class laughs)
Professor:  And praying us today will be Josh Kruse...

The best future father in the world award goes to Jack!

Jack Shirts:  I really want my baby, in utero, to appreciate Boyz II Men!

Google status war!

Tara Hair's Gchat status: "To the person who spilled my soup in the refrigerator and left it there for me to find, you are awesome. =) You are also welcome to buy me lunch today."

Merritto Aho's Gchat Status:  "Re: Tara Hair's status - Dear person, I suspect you also took my tamale box out of my bag, took my tamale out of the box, and hid it in another area of the fridge. You truly are awesome. Thanks for not unwrapping the corn husk."

Three for the price of none

(After Mike McInelly derives an equation to solve a question)

Molly Biolo: You know Mike, you’re pretty smart.

Mike:  Ummm, thanks, I guess, but you sound pretty surprised?

Molly: Well, you’re just way smarter than you look.

(During the 6 hour drive back from the OB/HR rafting trip) 

Elizabeth Keeler (after some un-discernible comment, which led to some teasing): You know, my thoughts are just greater than your thoughts…

(While working on the accounting homework) 

Cecilia Yiu (on she really likes Accounting.):  I don’t know, I just really like putting things into baskets.

Mike McInelly: Then what the heck are you doing here!  You should be working the night shift at Wal-Mart stocking inventory!

Cases

Ray Kearney: Can anyone give me a summary of the case?
Brittany Riggs: Did you read the case?
Ray: Yeah, but that doesn't always help.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the true Josh Kruse

Professor: Mario, would you offer a prayer for us?    And you can offer it in Spanish if you'd like.

Josh Kruse:  And that's what we call, "Racial Profiling."

Al is smrt

Al Camargo:  I can't believe I'm planning my schedule for my last semester ever.  I still remember when it first started.

Jack Shirts, Chris DuBois, and Merritt Aho (at the same time):  I would hope so, it was only a year ago!  You're not that old...

Seems reasonable enough

From Professor's syllabus: "Late work will not be accepted unless you have just delivered triplets in the back seat of a taxi."

So THAT'S how that works

Updated with names...  names make it more fun (as long as no one gets embarassed!)

Within a group study session, Elizabeth Keeler to Austin Wilcox and Tyler Blackhurst about her days as a teacher:
"I had a Korean student who was from Korea ... that's why she was Korean."

The primary difference between MBAs and MPAs

MPA student to Professor: Next Wednesday is the United Day of Caring.  Morning classes are cancelled.

Other MPA student:  I think that is only for the MPA program.

Jay Hart: The MBA program doesn't actual care.

The Feeling Is Mutual

Professor to a student in class: "You are so far below junk, you don't even show up on the radar!  And not just you!  Everyone in this class!"

I would hate it too

Regarding the need for IT management:

 

Professor:  You can't have them (IT) blowing smoke up your Kimono

Ammon Chase (under his breath):  I hate that!

Professors have senses of humor as well

Professor:  Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit… but it's my favorite.

It's all in the name

TA: (calling role) Edgar Ramirez?
Edgar: It's Cheney. (to the class) I have 2 last names for those of you who didn't know.
Josh Kruse: His wife made him hyphenate

River Rafting Basics are not part of the MBA education

(Before the MBAMA rafting trip)

Jasmine Palmer:  So how do we get back to the buses?  Do we float down the river, stop for lunch, and then float back up the river to the buses?

From China with love

(Apologies in advance for the self-indulgent nature of the next two posts.  Going on a trip to China with a bunch of students can generate a lot of ridiculous quotes, but instead of spreading them out over multiple posts, I'll condense them to two:  one for Jack Shirts, one for everyone else who went to China.  This is the "everyone else" post)

"Print advice?  Is that like a fortune cookie or something?"
 -Janessa Cloward to the Chinese ATM asking if she wanted a receipt (aka advice)

Elena Samuels:  "You speak Spanish?
Chris DuBois:  "No, but I speak cajones"

"How bout Chinese food for dinner tonight?  Yeah, I could go for some Chinese"
-Everyone after 10 straight days of Chinese food

Kelsey Harris:  "We ordered our first meal without Chinese speakers!"
Chris DuBois:  "Yeah.  At Pizza Hut.  And the menu had pictures.  And we still screwed it up"

"Don't sit on the ground in China.  Don't ask me, why, just don't."
-Dr. Fawcett

"You are all employees of the Kelsey Harris Company"
-Kelsey Harris after the nametags at Google implied we all worked for Kelsey

"I wouldn't bounce in the elevator if I were you.  It says Hitachi, but I'm pretty sure it was made in China."
-Trevor McEwen while riding in the elevator in the hotel in Beijing

Chris DuBois. (to annoying street vendor):  "Bu yao!" (meaning "I don't want it!)
Street vendor:  "Bu yao?  You speak excellent Chinese!"

"Are you a shy boy?!?"
-Suit store lady to all of the men buying suits in Shanghai when asking if we wanted her to hold up a sheet as we tried our suits on.

"Oh forget it shy boy!"  *throws sheet away*
-Suit store lady to James Core after she accidently pinned James's shirt to his pants

Jim Fowler:  "What's sorcery?"
James Core:  "I'm pretty sure that says sourcherry"
-Trying to order a sourcherry sundae at Burger King in Hong Kong

"Don't eat butter for every meal."
-Jim Fowler

"I was put on this earth to eat Caio's jalapenos"
-Chris DuBois after a 10 days of Caio avoiding spicy food

Jack Shirts, International Man of Comedy

(Apologies in advance for the self-indulgent nature of the next two posts.  Going on a trip to China with a bunch of students can generate a lot of ridiculous quotes, but instead of spreading them out over multiple posts, I'll condense them to two:  one for Jack Shirts, one for everyone else who went to China.  This is the "Jack Shirts" post) 

"You can call me hot lips if you want"
-Jack to Eric Fors after eating something spicy

Jack:  "That was when I could breathe through my nose"
Eric Fors:  "What, you still have a marshmallow lodged in there?"

Jack:  "I could be one of those acrobat girls on a bicycle!"

Jack:  "I liked Ford's info session the best"
James Core:  "That's because the guy kept swearing."
Jack:  "Kept things interesting though!"

Sister Fawcett:  "You don't want to wait too long--you'll get old, fat, and bald and no one will want to marry you."
Jack:  "HEY!!!"

"Oh Jack...  let's try that again!"
-Elena Samuels to Jack after yet another scary picture

Jack:  "I wish I had a tail."
Kelsey:  "Then you'd have to wear the split bum pants like the little kids."
(Referring to the pants that little kids wear so they can squat on the side of the road...  yeah, it's gross)

"They cut my hair--my one hair"
-Jack after getting his head washed and finding one hair was longer than the rest

"You're Listening to NBD..."

To a Korean Student

Professor: Do you listen to NPR?

Student: No.

Professor:  It stands for National Public Radio.  It carries news programs.  Korean is your mother tongue, right?

Student: Yes.

Professor:  If I were driving through Korea, I'd probably be listening to Nong Bong Dah

2 for the price of 1, the true Costco way

In a conversation about how it takes forever to get out of Costco...

 

"And then you have the temptress with the pizza..."

- Dustin Cook

 

About how economical the meals at costco are...

 

"A piece of pizza and a drink for 2.70?? That's like 1980!!"

- Dustin Cook

Too Sexy Indeed

Today while working on a group project:

Dave Olligschlager's phone rings and Matt Zabawa passes Dave his phone while reading the caller id:

Matt: "Oh, Andrea!" (Spoken like a true american) "Is that your girlfriend?"

Dave: "Far from. HE is too hairy for me."

Trust Her On This One...

Nicole Whitehead overhead explaining to Andrea Cordani: "I know. I'm right. I'm always right."

Wow, Rough Day For The MPAs!

Professor: One day, you will own 4 beamers and a 25,000 sf house.

Student: Well, not me, I'm an MPA student.

(Crazy laughter from the class).

Professor: Let me rephrase that...you will sitting in your tent thinking, I want that 12 foot trailer.

Hopefully Helping People Is A Good Enough Reward...

"Dear Nathan, congratulations on getting your MPA, we're sorry you didn't decide to go for the big bucks"

Professor

Taking "Stay At Home" To The Next Level

"She's not a stay at home mom right now... she's a stay at home person..."

Professor

Verbal Filters Are No Fun

"Sometimes you don't know exactly what you're going to say, and then when you hear it, it's kinda stupid"

Professor

His Eye Is On The Sparrow

Jack Shirts: grades and GPAs don't matter anyway, right?

Dallan Huff: the Lord knows what your GPA is, Jack

Janessa Cloward: I don't think the Lord cares what my GPA is

Dallan: if the Lord cares about a sparrow falling, He cares about what your GPA is

Summer Quotes

Hey everyone

As I'm the new quotemaster round these parts, I first wanted to take the chance to thank Brandon for all of the hard, hilarious work he's done with this blog. I won't be changing much, since he's set a pretty good standard, although if anyone has any suggestions, feel free to send them my way.

Although the volume of quotes won't be as high over the summer, the blog won't be closing! Feel free to send any funny quotes that happen this summer over to me; you can come up with a title yourself or you can trust my comedic skills. My email address is ckdubois@gmail.com.

Also, don't forget to share the quote blog address to any incoming '12ers you may know!

Have a great summer everyone,
-Chris

Yu, Mi, & Kimchee

Professor:  Do you know where most of the Kimchee comes from?

Korean Student Yumi Lee:  Korea?

Professor:  No.  China.

Yumi:  Noooooooooo!!!!!

Take Off, Eh!

Jared Mackrory:  Sometimes they act like hosers.

Rand Blair: Jared, quit using slang from 10 years ago.

Steve Jackson: What are you talking about?  They use the word "Hoser" in Canada now.

Rand Blair: Case in point.

What Do Germans NOT Hate?

Germans HATE inflation.  Italians and French love the stuff.  But Germans HATE inflation.  They won't tolerate the stuff.


- Professor

M&A

They call it the fall of the wall, but really it was an acquisition.  West Germany acquired East Germany.


- Professor

Huh?

Wall street and their mortgages...that's a bad one-night stand.

Professor

OBHR + GA = Heaven on Earth

"A Seventy is a Seventy until 70 . . . Makes me glad we are not Eighties!"


- Elder Marlin K. Jensen at the OBHR Conference

Mr. President

Brian Hall's 5-year old, Ethan, upon meeting Cecil Samuelson:

Ethan:  "You're the president of the whole school?"

President Samuelson:  "Yes, I'm the President of BYU.  Do you want to be the President of BYU some day?"

Ethan:  "Uh, yes.  Uhm, no.  I want to work at a pet store."

President Samuelson:  "That sounds like it would be more fun."

Ethan:  "Yeah."

SWASS

Brandon Wells: Did you go to the gym yesterday?

Jenny Clawson: Yes - but people got the bikes all sweaty - plus there was SWASS all over the seat!

Friendly Advice

Brandon Wells: When are you going to the temple?

Janessa Cloward: I need to have a heart-to-heart with my bishop.

Brandon Wells: Sounds like you need to have a heart-to-heart with your Heavenly Father first.

The Love Guru

Tim Hart: "That reminds me of my secret to a happy marriage.  I pretend that I am thinking about it long enough for her to think I am thinking about it, and then I say 'Yes, dear.'"

Mr. Obvious

Professor: "So, Jared, what did you think?"

Jared Riedel: "About the conclusion of Getting Past No? I thought it wrapped up the book pretty good!"

Trunky

Professor:  “Here it is!  The last cold call of the semester!” (to student) “What did you think of the article?”

Brian Henderson:  “I didn’t read it.”

+8

Ryan Wilson: (Referring to an unnamed MBA) His wife gave him a lunch budget.

Ken Carpenter: She treats him like Jon Gosselin!

It's Ronell!

I saw this ad today on the BusinessWeek website.  Way to represent, Ronell!

Full House

Brandon Wells:  Brandon Anderson...Branderson!

Brandon Anderson:  Yeah, that was a nickname from high school.

Brandon W:  Consider yourself lucky.  My nickname was Bob Saget.  I've grown into my Jewish nose a bit since then.

Hot Date

Some people like to stay up all night and make love to the numbers, but it's not that complicated!

- Professor

Vocabulary Lesson

Professor:  He's a great author.  He analogizes in a really effective way.

Jenny Clawson:  Is that a real word?  Is that like when you apologize for farting?  Anal-ogize?

Ouch!

Chris Kellett:  85 questions on the final?  That's way too long!

Professor:  You know, as I was finishing it last night I thought about putting two extra questions on the exam:

1. "Who is the biggest whiner in class?"
2. "Who is going to get out-gunned by his wife in every negotiation throughout his life?"

Mentor This!

(gChat conversation)
Brandon Anderson:  He'd be a great mentor.

Curtis Heyman:  I thought you already had a mentor - Chuck Norris.

Brandon:  Yeah, that's true.  But the thing about Chuck is that his advice is so mind-blowing that I end up in the hospital every time I ask him for guidance.

Active Listening

Professor:  I guess that's what it means to be an E-MBA - you can ignore the professor.

Brandon Wells:  What was that?  I wasn't listening.

Obligatory Star Wars Quote

Oliver Christensen: Your lack of faith is disturbing.

Joe Knight: *fakes being choked*

Let's Export Seagulls To Balance the Trade Deficit

(When discussing China ridding itself from a locust problem)

Stephen Jones: Why didn't they use seagulls?

Professor: It's China, not Utah.

The Silent Killer

James [Hatch] is silent, but deadly.


- Mike Blaylock

Today's Vocabulary Lesson

AnnMarie Dunn: What does salience mean again?

Mathew Harrison: You know, it's like salient translucence.

Paul Winterowd:  That's going straight to the quote blog.

Lurnin'

Brandon Anderson:  What did I miss last week?

Jenny Clawson:  Nothing.  I don't remember learning anything.

Taken Totally Out of Context

I like neutering.

- Kyle Lemmon

Wii Camping

Jenn Larson: My family likes to play Wii when we go camping.

Class: Huh?

Greg Lee: They go "camping" at the Marriott.

Viva La Revolucion!

When discussing trying to amend our class “constitution” (i.e. syllabus):

Let’s just move on.  I am too old to start a revolution.

- Erin Page

1 Slide = 40 Min.

(Two hours into working on a presentation)

Jennia Parkin: So, how are we doing?

Janessa Cloward: We have three slides...BUT the animation is really cool.

Like the Fru-its of the Devil

"He was the most talented guy... and EVIL... but talented."


- Professor

Curry Favor

"I get started on Thai food, and I'm hooked on it for a year!!"


- Professor

Symbolum Nicaenum

(Professor talking about a differential equation)

 

Professor:  "It is always continuous, but never differentiable."

 

Greg Lee:  "Isn't that part of the Nicene Creed?"

It's How Friends Say, "I Love You"

Christian Nielson: Prepare for one-upmanship.

Mathew Harrison: Okay. And then I'll up yours.

Cruel and Unusual Punishment

Professor to student asking about questions on final:

"I could make it easy for you, but I won't.   I only have so long to torture you."

Genealogy, I Am Doing It...

My dad wasn't a member of the church, but he was more interested in genealogy than most members are...which we find is typical.


- Professor

That's Gotta Hurt

Kenric Russell (at the end of a phone interview):  So, if you were in my shoes, how would you prepare over the next two months for this internship?

Interviewer:  I would learn a little bit more about marketing.

Does Not Compute

"I didn't know they could be funny."

 

- Anonymous MBA Student about MISM student in Project Management

"Force Fields" is never the wrong answer

Professor:  "Anyone know how the military does that?"

 

Luke Terry:  "Force fields."

Crossing Over

Wait, what was that you said about not crossing a bound?  Like in LDS dating, we set a line and we cannot cross it?  Is that the kind of bound you are talking about?


- Professor

Hats Off

Professor: "I never wear hats cause I look stupid." (then puts on a hat)

Julie Hulet & Emily Tanner: "No you don't, that looks good!"

Ryan Wilson: "Actually, I'm with him on this one."

Happy Place

You want to put me in my happy place.

- Professor

"Gross" Margin

There's margin, and then there's margin.  This is the margin before all the bad stuff.

- Professor

Cheddar Sushi

I wanted to go to Cheddar's in Philadelphia, but Gary wanted sushi...and they don't have sushi at Cheddar's.

- Britt Chapman

Mathlete

Because he gives us some sort of exchange rate, does that mean we have to do some sort of...math?


- James Hatch

Family Man

Oliver Christensen: How does he have five kids and look that good?

Ronell Hugh: Maybe because he has five kids he looks that good.

Dr. Funny

You can’t find an item that everyone thinks is funny.  That item lives with the unicorn and sasquatch.  It doesn’t exist.   


- Professor

Faux Shizzle

The faux hawk is the mullet of this generation.

 - Professor

Move Over Edward...There's a New Heartthrob on Campus

Emily Tanner: I'm talking about LeBaron.

Ronell Hugh: The leadership heartthrob?

He Puts the "Bro" in "Nabrotzky"

(Talking about diversity in our International HR Class.)

There's so much more to diversity than just race and ethnicity. I mean, look at Eminem. He was raised in the hood.


- Joe Nabrotzky

This is SOOOOO Wrong

Mark Stoker: Where's your green?

Oliver Christensen: I'm not Irish and I'm wearing a green thong.

He Counts Good and Spells Even Gooder

Professor:  I can think of a word that starts with a "C" and ends with a "Y".
(writes on the board) "CRYBABIE"

Nathan Child: And that's two words.

Attitude of Gratitude

(Speaking of clients of a fund manager who just saved them a lot of $$$.)

Professor:  They will be ready to kiss him on all four cheeks!.....(covers face with hands) I shouldn't have said that.

Outsourcing

Professor:  Moroni, I noticed you didn't get up and give your paper to someone else.

Moroni Schwab:  I gave it to Shan, and she did it for me.

Oliver Christensen:  He outsourced it...to China.

No Means No

Professor: Why would you prefer synthetic cash to real cash?

Greg Lee: It gives you flexibility to back out of the contract.

Professor: No.

Greg: It's less risky.

Professor: No.

Greg: You sank my battleship!

Memories of Omaha

Arriving at airport in Omaha, NE:
Allison Clements:  Craig [Anderson], I feel like you're my dad right now. I'm hungry. Are you going to buy me dinner?


Driving from the car rental parking lot at the airport in Omaha:
Craig Anderson:  Can you make sure it's the other group behind us?
Kate Lindsay:  Yeah, two old men in the front. Two 20 year old girls in the back? Yeah, it's them.


At the "Steak & Lube" diner in Omaha:
Kate:  What's the difference between leaded & unleaded drinks?
Allison:  Caffeine?
Kristan Brooks:  (Pause, & possible eye roll) Alcohol.


Driving around Omaha:
Craig (in driver's seat):  Oh look, you're like my wife!
Brent Walker (in passenger's seat): This is so wrong, how did I end up here? But it seems so right.


Driving across a river in Omaha:
Kate:  Look! It's the Washington Monument of Nebraska!
Allison:  THAT is a bridge.

360 Review

Heather [Archibald], I think you're amazing in spite of what your heuristics feedback says.


- Oliver Christensen

Cheaters Never Prosper?

I have the grades to prove I don't cheat.


- Greg Lee

Prison Break

When this class is over I'm pretty sure the feeling will be comparable to the feeling one gets when being released from prison.


- Erin Page

Fo Shizzle My Professizle

Oh, snap! ...or whatever you guys say.

- Professor

LOL, R U N HL?

I don't know what all the fuss about 160 characters is.  It's evidence that the world is going to hell.  But since I believe that the world is, in fact, going to hell, we might as well make some money on our way there.

- Professor

Loading...

Professor:  We're going to write a program that we'll call "Wait For Load."

Brandon Anderson:  Sometimes when I don't eat enough fiber I have to wait for my load.

Effective or Less Effective?

Discussing whether speed limits should be increased... this was cited as a PRO...

 

"Higher speed limits kill people more effectively."

 

- Professor

International Business

Go ahead and throw Brazil out the window.  Flush the UK down the drain.  We only care about Walmart.

- Professor

Don't Touch My Chattel

If Kyle [Lemmon] had invited me to touch his chattel, then I could do it and it would be OK.

- Professor

Class of 2011: Wit Wanted

Do you feel witty?  Oh, so witty?  If so, and you also want to take over the quote blog, email me.  Actually, wit is not really required at all.  Look at me.  I don't have any, and I'm running the blog.  So basically, if you want to take over the blog, email me.

This blog, like a fine family heirloom, needs to be handed down from one generation to the next.  Remember that chair in Legacy?  Yeah, this is like that, but better because it's not a chair - it's a super funny blog.  But it won't keep being super funny unless a new blog bearer steps forth.  The job is not glamorous.  It's not easy.  Ok, yeah it is.  And it's a lot of fun.  So, who will be the new Frodo Blogger?  The new Sir (or Lady) Blogs-a-lot?  The new Blogger McBloggerton?

Or, alternatively, we can just open the blog up to the general posting public...but that idea makes me a little uneasy.  I like censorship, or control, or both.

Anyway, enough of that crap.  Just email me.

Apparently, I'm a "Catastrophic failure"

I know this isn't a quote, but I just had to share this.  I got this error today while working in VBA. I guess I did something very, very wrong.

Love means Sacrifice

(Discussing the sacrifices of being married while in the MBA program)

David Olligschlager:  I couldn't handle it.

David Wood:  You couldn't handle having your wife in school?

David Olligschlager:  No, having a wife.

Get Behind Me

If Lucifer wants me to wear a shirt that says "Lucifer" on it, I'll wear it if its free.


- Professor

Cute and Cuddly

Babies are cute, but if you look at an embryo it looks like a monster.


- Professor

Social (In)Security

(Discussing Social Security)

Jake Jarvis:  So this is essentially a zero-percent interest loan to the government?

Professor:  It's actually a giant Ponzi scheme.

Extreme Sports

It's not like we bungee jump naked off the side of the bridge or anything.


- Professor

Family Inheritance

On my wife's side of the family there is mental illness, on my side there is mental illness...sometimes I wonder if I have some of that.


- Professor

Risk Management

The riskiest thing you could do in life is have kids...cuz you could get an axe murderer or an apostle.

- Professor

What the What?!?

Professor:  Any natural redheads in here?

MPA Student:  I am.

Professor:  You’re screwed, aren’t you?

I wasn't going for Isaiah 55

Professor: Our parties aren't like your parties, our jokes aren't like your jokes...

Tim Hart: My thoughts are not your thoughts...

Happy Guy

I just hate "happy" so much I enjoyed throwing it out.

- Professor

Job Diversification as an MBA

Allison Clements:  I need to go prep for my job interview in half an hour.

Marissa Dorny:  I probably need to call Janice Kapp Perry.

Slackers!

Janessa Cloward: I can't wait to be a second year. They hardly do anything!

Ray Kearney: Embrace your first year...stop doing things now!

Comfort Food

Talking about comfort food:

 

"You never find comfort in carrot sticks."

- Kate Lindsay

I Like Words

"... selling a GRUNDLE of bonds... that means a lot..."

 

Professor

Aces

I like negotiating with Catholic hospitals.  Anybody that can put an infertility clinic in a Catholic hospital...now that's an ace negotiator.


- Guest Speaker

Name Game

(discussing the intimate customer knowledge of the Ritz-Carlton)

Nathan Child (looking at Riley): "So, for example, if you have twenty different Riley Nelsons..."

Riley Anderson: "Or, Anderson."

Fat Cats

Professor talking about the difference between 2nd years who have jobs lined up and those who do not:

"One of them is fat and happy sitting in a hot tub, and the other is on the brink of alcoholism."

Total Domination

James Pearce:  That's like the rule of Crappy People.

Professor:  The what?

James:  The rule of Crappy People.

Professor:  Tell me, I don't know the rule.

James:  It's from the reading...


Professor:  (blank look) [and yes, it actually was in the reading]

Sign up for the Talent Show!

Sign up for Almost Famous - the MBA Talent Show!

https://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=0AlCSwRvHGBvKdEZlMEJZQlo0Q3lvZGlFR1NoSm1wTkE&hl=en

He's No Saint

Rand Blair:  You mentioned you want us to incorporate the spiritual aspect into our negotiations. Now, if we get through six or seven without doing that, are you okay with that?

Professor:  Clearly, Rand, you need to be going to Church more.

Performance Enhancers

Professor (discussing Gatorade vs. Powerade):  Anyone drink Powerade ?

Cody Coombs:  I drink both.

 

Kent Ferguson:  It doesn't help.

Zing!

Trevor Paulson [to Oliver]:  Are you stalking me?  You should lose some poundage if you want to stalk people.  It'd be easier.

Bling

Jenny Clawson: Hey Julie, I have a goal and I think it should be yours too.

Julie Kellet: What’s that?

Jenny: To be financially independent by age 40.

Julie: Oh. I already have that--that’s why I am going to sell jewelry.

Bully

Professor:  I'm going to be gone on Wednesday, so we can have a substitute, we can reschedule, or I can just cancel class.

Jesse Carman:  I'll take a substitute.

Brandon Anderson:  Which means you'll also take a punch to the throat.

Selfless Service

Jenny Clawson:  I teach Sunday School to a bunch of 14-year-olds.

Brandon Anderson:  Ouch.  Teenagers have no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Jenny:  I know.  I hate it!  I hate serving!

I'm Lovin' It

Oliver Christensen:  We should have gone to McDonald's.

Matt Dedrick: I didn't want to burden you with McDonald's again.

Oliver:  A McGriddle is never a burden.

Rich Wilcox:  It's a burden on your colon.

Glory Days

Professor:  Did I tell you my story about the paper company when I worked for BCG?

Eric Fors: {incredulously} You worked for BCG?

You Can't Always Get What You Want

Matthew Dedrick:  I ordered a raspberry fritter and got a raspberry-filled doughnut.

Allison Clements:  Yeah, I hate it when I don't get what I want.

I Want Candy

After one Professor showed another professor that he brought candy to class:

"Oh, you bring treats and spoil the kids?  This is why they like some Primary teachers more than others."

Mmmm...Bacon...

It's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearing bacon underwear.

- Brandon Wells

People of Walmart

You're not as sophisticated as the Walmart shopper.

- Shaun Neeley to Nathan Child

Business Strategy

Be nice on Sundays, but in business step on their throat!

- Professor

Great Scott!

Professor:  So did anyone pick up on what they were doing with Plutonium in the case?

awkward pause and silence (besides the sounds of keyboards typing)

James Pearce:  Time travel.

Chris Kellett, Ladies & Gentlemen

Chris Kellet:  That was awful!

Professor:  You just completely destroyed the moment, Chris.

Oliver Christensen:  That's typical.

Is That Bill Shakespeare?

If you're going to be an idiot, be true to yourself.

- Craig Anderson

Fun-ance

You suffered through Grant [McQueen]'s class, right?

- Anonymous Professor

Baby Daddy

The difference between you and me is that your babies are all at home.  I don't know where all mine are at.

-Nathan Child to Brian Hall

My Turn on Wall Street

Greg Lee:  I-bankers never said it would be easy, they only said it would be worth it.

Rhyme Time

Jeremy Kearley:  Something my Mission President used to tell us was, "A man convinced against his own will is of the same opinion still."

Tim Hart:  Yeah, and there's always more truth if it rhymes.

Jack Bauer = Level 5 Leader

Jon Lewis:  So [for security] they have a hand reader for their time card punch.

Professor:  Jack Bauer would get their hand then.

Give It To Me Straight

Alan, you've always been able to say things that hit a little below the belt.

- Professor to Alan Kurpiewski

?!$%#!

Sayonara, Fathead!

- Professor

Apples with Apples

I always appreciated tall dudes that date tall girls.

- Julie Hulet

MBA = Make Bad Approximations

Professor:  I'm not making up numbers.  I'm approximating.

Oliver Christensen:  Isn't that the same thing?

Soda Jerk

David Liddicoat: You shouldn't drink soda.  It's bad for you.

Carlo Bena: They say it leads to child obesity.  I'm not a child.  I'm not obese.

Workin' Hard or Hardly Workin'?

I've done work for a solid half hour.  Let's play foosball.

- Steve Jackson

Silly? Really?

I am a silly man.  And I become sillier as each year passes.

- Professor

VBA - It's All Greek To Me

Would you say that we'd be in trouble [on the test] if we understood less than, say, 12% of what we've covered?

- Britt Chapman

Ivory Tower

I was a soft-fingered, ivory tower weenie.

- Professor

Man Bag

"It's not a purse, it's a satchel.  Indiana Jones had one."

"Yah, and so did the little mermaid."

- Kelsey Harris, gchat status

U.S. Edition: $200; International: $100; India: $50

You’re taking money off my family’s table with that cheap textbook reproduction.

- Another reference to Latrell Spreewell from a certain professor

Social Butterfly

Professor:  So going to Costco is a social event?

Oliver Christensen:  Everything with me is a social event.

Reading Nook

Phil Lewis:  I've been reading a fun book in my spare time.

Mike Brady:  You have spare time?

Phil Lewis:  You know, when I'm in the bathroom.

Guess Who

Professor:  Tell me what’s wrong with me!

Anonymous Student:  We don’t have that much time!

Wolverines!!!

Professor:  Anyone willing to share their results statement?  About exercise?

JJ Webb:  I want to look like Wolverine.

A Sure Thing

Professor:  So you're telling me life in finance is not a sure thing?

Brian Clegg:  It's not.

Professor:  Now do you want to go back and change your major to engineering?

Brian:  No.  I already did that.

Pray Always

Ronell Hugh:  We forgot to pray this morning.

Paul Winterowd:  Nothing like morning prayer at 11:15 pm.

Elisa Clements:  We'll do another for tomorrow in 45 minutes.

Shocking Behavior

Rand Blair:  Are you really going to shock somebody though?

Kyle Freebairn:  If that's what it takes.

Just The Two Of Us

Professor:  "I'm a late bloomer.  I didn't get married until later in life, when I was 35 years old."

 

Brian Henderson:  "You and me both."

Strategic Resource Acquisition

Elisa Clements:  Allison has a boyfriend.

Allison Clements:  Yes, I acquired one over the recruiting break.

(Allison, I'm sorry.  Mathew made me post this.)

Religous Devotion

In my neighborhood they call Stake Conference Sunday "second Saturday".

- Professor

And We Wonder Why Everyone Hates Us Americans...

Brian Henderson: "What language are you speaking?"

 

Greek Person: "Greek."

 

Brian: "You speak it REALLY well."

 

- Brian Henderson, to two Greek crepe shop owners in Paris, upon hearing them speak another language

Prima Donna

Brian Henderson to French Guy:  "He's kind of a prima donna. You know, has to bring two suitcases to Europe."

 

French Guy to Rick Swensen:  "You packed two suitcases and you chose to wear that?" 

 

- French guy in Paris to Rick Swensen, who struggled to board the train with his two large suitcases while wearing classically american jeans and a baby blue fleece

Cookie Monster

"You keep bringing cookies this delicious into info sessions and you'll recruit all the top talent you can handle."

- Britt Chapman, to the HR recruiter at Barclay's in London after her presentation to the BYU group, on the cookie selection at our briefing

Book Lernin'

It turns out that when students study stuff, they learn stuff.  It's kind of a strange correlation.

- Professor

If Only...

If I could, I would kiss myself...but I can't.

-Andrea Cordani

Liquid Courage

That is something that BYU MBAs lack.  You need an injection of self confidence, right in the hiney.

- Professor

No Laptop Left Behind

Professor:  Have you heard the phrase that correlation does not imply causation?

Mathew Harrison:  Yeaaaah...it's kind of like laptops in the classroom.

Professor:  (blank stare) I'm sorry, I didn't see the connection there.

Crucial Conversations

(on the phone) "Uh, Lisa, this is Moroni.  You were the one who hit my car with your bike today, right?"

- Moroni Schwab

He Speaks Real Good

It doesn't matter if it's horizontical or vertical.

- Professor describing lists in Excel

The Key to Marketing

I want you to know that when I first got here I taught finance.  I taught everything, except marketing.  I'd like to teach marketing.  What could be more fun?  You just come into class, look at ads, and laugh.

- Professor

You Smell Purty

Oliver Christensen: Erox needs a relationship manager.  They need Ronell.

Elisa Clements: Do you want to go sell human pheromones?

Nate Smith: Ronell is a human pheromone.

Beam Me Up

(after having discussed the church as an organization and Lord of the Rings)

Professor: Let's try to better understand the difference between a manager and a leader.

Victor Monreal: Let's complete the perfect trifecta of the church, Lord of the Rings, and Star Trek.  Captain Kirk is a leader, whereas Spock is a manager.

 

Rustin Fullmer: Oh, now I understand!

He prefers the term "frugal"

Professor: Who is smart and cheap, Clayton?

Clayton: {silence}

Professor: You.

It's Element-ary

Carly Pedersen: I am so cold!

Andrea Cordani:  What can I do to help you?  I can't command the elements.....yet.

Power Hungry

Just to clarify, I was friend's with Jay BEFORE the power strip.

- Luke Cook

Well, That's Reassuring

It's not my habit to stop and pick up 18-year-old girls.

- Professor

He's Your Worst Nightmare

Dallan Huff: I have dreams sometimes where I'm a serial killer.

Steve Jackson: I don't even know what to say right now.

Biblical Pricing Model???

Kenric Russell:  I'm not sure if this is appropriate, but this reminds me of the parable of the....something...

Professor:  Ah yes, it's the Biblical pricing model.

Upholding BYU Values

Not only do I have ADD, I have a severe lack of integrity.

- Professor

Don't We All

I wanna be a drunken viking.

- Professor

Caffeine is the Devil!

We're already drinking caffeine and gambling.  Why not add lying into the mix?

- David Huffines

Marketing in a Nutshell

That's what marketing's about - schizophrenia.

- Professor

Pretty Woman

And then here comes this junkyard dog, named Janet Reno...

- Professor

Yes, Drill Sergeant

Yelling doesn't make you more right.

- Greg Lee to Jeremy Kearly

That's What Friends Are For

Oliver Christensen: I'm starving.

Paul Winterowd: [patting Oliver's gut] Just draw upon your reserves.

Oliver: [eyebrows up]