Yeah he is...

Context: Talking about dating during undergrad.

Jack Shirts: "Yeah...hello....I'm a player."

Professor One-upper

TJ Davis:  I watch the Price is Right religiously.  I'll take you on any day.

Professor:  I watch General Conference.

Dancing ponies

Ralph Christensen (speaking about the Golden Era of the MOB program): You know, we were encouraged to be really aggressive back then, real change agents. We had more of a cowboy mentality back then. You guys...

Victor Monreal: Yeah, we're more like show ponies

Safety is the key

(after talking about how DuPont's safety record for employees extends to the home - if you cut yourself at home it counts against your safety record)
Janessa Cloward: I should not work at DuPont. I would kill their safety record.

Signs of Burnout

Tara Hair:  I can't sleep because I'm stressed.
Chris DuBois:  Is there anything I can do to help?
Tara:  I just need drugs...  I just need drugs...  I just need drugs...
Chris:  ...I'll see what I can do

Gender Confusion

Overheard on the loud speaker at the Rex Lee Run after placing in the top 3 of some female category: “Dustin Schick is actually a man.”

Just gross

Andrea Cordani: Do you have a thermometer?
Ray Kearney: Yeah, if I can find it..
A: It isn't a rectal thermometer, is it?
R: Only once...

1 minute of laughter

R: Sorry, I couldn't resist it
A: What? The joke or the thermometer?

Half your age plus seven makes it ok

Christian Ward (in a tennis class):  I was hoping it would be me and all the freshmen.  Wait, did that sound a little creepy?"
Tennis instructor:  yeah, especially since you just told us how old you are

It's not you James, it's, well, ok, it's you

James Core: "Are you ever slightly offended when you walk into the restroom and the air freshener automatically goes off."

A great policy

Professor to Jeff Butler: So Jeff, do you have life insurance?
Jeff Butler: Yes I do, my wife majored in Chemical engineering.

The man you wish your man was

Dr. Foster: Amazon employs a CRM system to customize your experience on their webpage.  So let's look at their suggestions for my next purchase.  Ok, there are drills here, I bought my son in laws drills for Christmas, but I've never bought razors from them, odd.

Justin Anderson: Maybe they figure if you are buying drills you're a manly man, that you need to shave.

Don't even want to ask...

David Moss: you know I'm really a fan of laxatives.

Interesting but false

Professor:  I found this data interesting.

David Moss:  Didn't you make up the data?

Professor:  Uh, yeah.

David Moss:  So, you made up interesting data?

Professor:  Yes.  Everything I do is interesting.

Better late than never

Everyone going around in a class sharing their highlight of the week:

Malorie Lewis: I finally put together a resume that I can send out to people.

Kenric Russell: Welcome to the MBA program!

I'm sure Josh could come up with some good nicknames

Professor: When you spend time with someone, you come up with a nickname for them.  It's a sign of love.

Mac Wilson: Josh (Kruse), you will always just be Josh.

Valid excuse to leave school #1

Jay Hart:  Well, I want to go home and hang out with my wife.  My wife is hot.

Tara Hair:  That's true, your wife is hot.

Phantom bad hair days are the worst

(Bald) Jack Shirts: "Sometimes I wake up in the morning and feel like my hair is messy. And there's nothing I can do about it. So it just feels messy all day."

Where there's smoke...

Professor: We'll have to get Josh's insight into the accounting part of this problem...
Josh Kruse (flustered, then realizing the professor is referring to his TA): Oh.....for a second there I was wondering what you were smoking!

Serious case of mistaken identity

Professor: Josh, we'll send it to the finance guy for this one.

Josh Kruse: Uh, I'm HR.

Professor: Really?

Brandon Wells: he can give you a hug but that's about it.

The value of operations

Professor:  what does operations do?
Brandon Wells:  Nothing
Professor:  (didn't hear) What was that?
Brandon Wells:  I mean, besides playing Root Beer games.....