If Only...

If I could, I would kiss myself...but I can't.

-Andrea Cordani

Liquid Courage

That is something that BYU MBAs lack.  You need an injection of self confidence, right in the hiney.

- Professor

No Laptop Left Behind

Professor:  Have you heard the phrase that correlation does not imply causation?

Mathew Harrison:  Yeaaaah...it's kind of like laptops in the classroom.

Professor:  (blank stare) I'm sorry, I didn't see the connection there.

Crucial Conversations

(on the phone) "Uh, Lisa, this is Moroni.  You were the one who hit my car with your bike today, right?"

- Moroni Schwab

He Speaks Real Good

It doesn't matter if it's horizontical or vertical.

- Professor describing lists in Excel

The Key to Marketing

I want you to know that when I first got here I taught finance.  I taught everything, except marketing.  I'd like to teach marketing.  What could be more fun?  You just come into class, look at ads, and laugh.

- Professor

You Smell Purty

Oliver Christensen: Erox needs a relationship manager.  They need Ronell.

Elisa Clements: Do you want to go sell human pheromones?

Nate Smith: Ronell is a human pheromone.

Beam Me Up

(after having discussed the church as an organization and Lord of the Rings)

Professor: Let's try to better understand the difference between a manager and a leader.

Victor Monreal: Let's complete the perfect trifecta of the church, Lord of the Rings, and Star Trek.  Captain Kirk is a leader, whereas Spock is a manager.

 

Rustin Fullmer: Oh, now I understand!

He prefers the term "frugal"

Professor: Who is smart and cheap, Clayton?

Clayton: {silence}

Professor: You.

It's Element-ary

Carly Pedersen: I am so cold!

Andrea Cordani:  What can I do to help you?  I can't command the elements.....yet.

Power Hungry

Just to clarify, I was friend's with Jay BEFORE the power strip.

- Luke Cook

Well, That's Reassuring

It's not my habit to stop and pick up 18-year-old girls.

- Professor

He's Your Worst Nightmare

Dallan Huff: I have dreams sometimes where I'm a serial killer.

Steve Jackson: I don't even know what to say right now.

Biblical Pricing Model???

Kenric Russell:  I'm not sure if this is appropriate, but this reminds me of the parable of the....something...

Professor:  Ah yes, it's the Biblical pricing model.

Upholding BYU Values

Not only do I have ADD, I have a severe lack of integrity.

- Professor

Don't We All

I wanna be a drunken viking.

- Professor

Caffeine is the Devil!

We're already drinking caffeine and gambling.  Why not add lying into the mix?

- David Huffines

Marketing in a Nutshell

That's what marketing's about - schizophrenia.

- Professor

Pretty Woman

And then here comes this junkyard dog, named Janet Reno...

- Professor

Yes, Drill Sergeant

Yelling doesn't make you more right.

- Greg Lee to Jeremy Kearly

That's What Friends Are For

Oliver Christensen: I'm starving.

Paul Winterowd: [patting Oliver's gut] Just draw upon your reserves.

Oliver: [eyebrows up]

Principal Strickland

You know what they say, if you don't know who the slackers (in the program) are, then you're probably one of them!

- Professor

Compound W

Cluster analysis is like wart medicine - none of it really works.

- Professor

Age Brings Wisdom

People always do the easy thing, not the right thing. Just some insight from an old man.

 

- Professor

Peer Pressure

(Conversation about trying to get Steve Jackson on a team:)

Elisa Clements: Well, he said yes.

Kyle Pulley: That’s because Steve can’t say no to anyone. I’m pretty sure I could get Steve to do drugs.

Rare Commodities

Heather Archibald: You don't need a job, you just need a man.

Kristan Brooks: Those are harder to come by than jobs.

Think of Me Fondly

I had a ward member who said I reminded them of Andrew Lloyd Webber.  I did not take that as a compliment.

- Professor

Raised In (not Raising) Arizona

Professor:  Who's from Arizona?

Malorie Lewis: Chandler.

Brittany Riggs: Mesa.

Professor:  Which is all really the same thing.

Malorie: [shaking her head] They're not the same.

Government Bailouts

Professor: Where are you from?

Eli Trejo: Mexico.

Professor: Does the Mexican Government always pay?

Eli: They may pay late, but they always pay.

Natural Credit Enhancement

Professor: What is a credit enhancement, Kyle?

Kyle Freebairn: Um, well, let me tell you.  It's an enhancer that … uh … works on credit.

Self-Assured

Professor: Are you sure of that answer?

Joey Thorpe: I'm not sure of anything anymore.

Polls

With the new year comes a new quotes blog feature - the occasional poll.  In order to remember each past poll, I'll post it in the main window when it's done. 

So to get us started, look to the right to see the year's first poll, and look below to see the winner of the original poll - Rand's awesome hair.

Watch out, boy, he'll chew you up - He's a Maneater

Professor: So does Dr. Heaton sit on top of a desk like this?

Tim Hart: No, he sits on the podium.

Professor: The podium?

Ken Carpenter: Like a bird of prey.

Man Crush #3

(during a post-exam lunch)

Jason Stapley: Does Matt Schultz work out? He has nice arms.

Jay Hart: Please send that to the blog!

Chris DuBois: Oh no doubt, I'm on it.

Jason: Whatever man, that dude is ripped! I'm just speaking truth.

The Career Student

Ken Carpenter: Dude we should go get JD/MBAs and do contract law for VCs.

Ryan Wilson: Yeah, what’s two more years?

Justin Wood: [PhD Student] Try FIVE more years!