"You're Listening to NBD..."

To a Korean Student

Professor: Do you listen to NPR?

Student: No.

Professor:  It stands for National Public Radio.  It carries news programs.  Korean is your mother tongue, right?

Student: Yes.

Professor:  If I were driving through Korea, I'd probably be listening to Nong Bong Dah

2 for the price of 1, the true Costco way

In a conversation about how it takes forever to get out of Costco...

 

"And then you have the temptress with the pizza..."

- Dustin Cook

 

About how economical the meals at costco are...

 

"A piece of pizza and a drink for 2.70?? That's like 1980!!"

- Dustin Cook

Too Sexy Indeed

Today while working on a group project:

Dave Olligschlager's phone rings and Matt Zabawa passes Dave his phone while reading the caller id:

Matt: "Oh, Andrea!" (Spoken like a true american) "Is that your girlfriend?"

Dave: "Far from. HE is too hairy for me."

Trust Her On This One...

Nicole Whitehead overhead explaining to Andrea Cordani: "I know. I'm right. I'm always right."

Wow, Rough Day For The MPAs!

Professor: One day, you will own 4 beamers and a 25,000 sf house.

Student: Well, not me, I'm an MPA student.

(Crazy laughter from the class).

Professor: Let me rephrase that...you will sitting in your tent thinking, I want that 12 foot trailer.

Hopefully Helping People Is A Good Enough Reward...

"Dear Nathan, congratulations on getting your MPA, we're sorry you didn't decide to go for the big bucks"

Professor

Taking "Stay At Home" To The Next Level

"She's not a stay at home mom right now... she's a stay at home person..."

Professor

Verbal Filters Are No Fun

"Sometimes you don't know exactly what you're going to say, and then when you hear it, it's kinda stupid"

Professor

His Eye Is On The Sparrow

Jack Shirts: grades and GPAs don't matter anyway, right?

Dallan Huff: the Lord knows what your GPA is, Jack

Janessa Cloward: I don't think the Lord cares what my GPA is

Dallan: if the Lord cares about a sparrow falling, He cares about what your GPA is

Summer Quotes

Hey everyone

As I'm the new quotemaster round these parts, I first wanted to take the chance to thank Brandon for all of the hard, hilarious work he's done with this blog. I won't be changing much, since he's set a pretty good standard, although if anyone has any suggestions, feel free to send them my way.

Although the volume of quotes won't be as high over the summer, the blog won't be closing! Feel free to send any funny quotes that happen this summer over to me; you can come up with a title yourself or you can trust my comedic skills. My email address is ckdubois@gmail.com.

Also, don't forget to share the quote blog address to any incoming '12ers you may know!

Have a great summer everyone,
-Chris

Yu, Mi, & Kimchee

Professor:  Do you know where most of the Kimchee comes from?

Korean Student Yumi Lee:  Korea?

Professor:  No.  China.

Yumi:  Noooooooooo!!!!!

Take Off, Eh!

Jared Mackrory:  Sometimes they act like hosers.

Rand Blair: Jared, quit using slang from 10 years ago.

Steve Jackson: What are you talking about?  They use the word "Hoser" in Canada now.

Rand Blair: Case in point.

What Do Germans NOT Hate?

Germans HATE inflation.  Italians and French love the stuff.  But Germans HATE inflation.  They won't tolerate the stuff.


- Professor

M&A

They call it the fall of the wall, but really it was an acquisition.  West Germany acquired East Germany.


- Professor

Huh?

Wall street and their mortgages...that's a bad one-night stand.

Professor

OBHR + GA = Heaven on Earth

"A Seventy is a Seventy until 70 . . . Makes me glad we are not Eighties!"


- Elder Marlin K. Jensen at the OBHR Conference

Mr. President

Brian Hall's 5-year old, Ethan, upon meeting Cecil Samuelson:

Ethan:  "You're the president of the whole school?"

President Samuelson:  "Yes, I'm the President of BYU.  Do you want to be the President of BYU some day?"

Ethan:  "Uh, yes.  Uhm, no.  I want to work at a pet store."

President Samuelson:  "That sounds like it would be more fun."

Ethan:  "Yeah."

SWASS

Brandon Wells: Did you go to the gym yesterday?

Jenny Clawson: Yes - but people got the bikes all sweaty - plus there was SWASS all over the seat!

Friendly Advice

Brandon Wells: When are you going to the temple?

Janessa Cloward: I need to have a heart-to-heart with my bishop.

Brandon Wells: Sounds like you need to have a heart-to-heart with your Heavenly Father first.

The Love Guru

Tim Hart: "That reminds me of my secret to a happy marriage.  I pretend that I am thinking about it long enough for her to think I am thinking about it, and then I say 'Yes, dear.'"

Mr. Obvious

Professor: "So, Jared, what did you think?"

Jared Riedel: "About the conclusion of Getting Past No? I thought it wrapped up the book pretty good!"

Trunky

Professor:  “Here it is!  The last cold call of the semester!” (to student) “What did you think of the article?”

Brian Henderson:  “I didn’t read it.”

+8

Ryan Wilson: (Referring to an unnamed MBA) His wife gave him a lunch budget.

Ken Carpenter: She treats him like Jon Gosselin!

It's Ronell!

I saw this ad today on the BusinessWeek website.  Way to represent, Ronell!

Full House

Brandon Wells:  Brandon Anderson...Branderson!

Brandon Anderson:  Yeah, that was a nickname from high school.

Brandon W:  Consider yourself lucky.  My nickname was Bob Saget.  I've grown into my Jewish nose a bit since then.

Hot Date

Some people like to stay up all night and make love to the numbers, but it's not that complicated!

- Professor

Vocabulary Lesson

Professor:  He's a great author.  He analogizes in a really effective way.

Jenny Clawson:  Is that a real word?  Is that like when you apologize for farting?  Anal-ogize?

Ouch!

Chris Kellett:  85 questions on the final?  That's way too long!

Professor:  You know, as I was finishing it last night I thought about putting two extra questions on the exam:

1. "Who is the biggest whiner in class?"
2. "Who is going to get out-gunned by his wife in every negotiation throughout his life?"

Mentor This!

(gChat conversation)
Brandon Anderson:  He'd be a great mentor.

Curtis Heyman:  I thought you already had a mentor - Chuck Norris.

Brandon:  Yeah, that's true.  But the thing about Chuck is that his advice is so mind-blowing that I end up in the hospital every time I ask him for guidance.

Active Listening

Professor:  I guess that's what it means to be an E-MBA - you can ignore the professor.

Brandon Wells:  What was that?  I wasn't listening.

Obligatory Star Wars Quote

Oliver Christensen: Your lack of faith is disturbing.

Joe Knight: *fakes being choked*

Let's Export Seagulls To Balance the Trade Deficit

(When discussing China ridding itself from a locust problem)

Stephen Jones: Why didn't they use seagulls?

Professor: It's China, not Utah.

The Silent Killer

James [Hatch] is silent, but deadly.


- Mike Blaylock

Today's Vocabulary Lesson

AnnMarie Dunn: What does salience mean again?

Mathew Harrison: You know, it's like salient translucence.

Paul Winterowd:  That's going straight to the quote blog.

Lurnin'

Brandon Anderson:  What did I miss last week?

Jenny Clawson:  Nothing.  I don't remember learning anything.

Taken Totally Out of Context

I like neutering.

- Kyle Lemmon

Wii Camping

Jenn Larson: My family likes to play Wii when we go camping.

Class: Huh?

Greg Lee: They go "camping" at the Marriott.

Viva La Revolucion!

When discussing trying to amend our class “constitution” (i.e. syllabus):

Let’s just move on.  I am too old to start a revolution.

- Erin Page

1 Slide = 40 Min.

(Two hours into working on a presentation)

Jennia Parkin: So, how are we doing?

Janessa Cloward: We have three slides...BUT the animation is really cool.

Like the Fru-its of the Devil

"He was the most talented guy... and EVIL... but talented."


- Professor

Curry Favor

"I get started on Thai food, and I'm hooked on it for a year!!"


- Professor

Symbolum Nicaenum

(Professor talking about a differential equation)

 

Professor:  "It is always continuous, but never differentiable."

 

Greg Lee:  "Isn't that part of the Nicene Creed?"

It's How Friends Say, "I Love You"

Christian Nielson: Prepare for one-upmanship.

Mathew Harrison: Okay. And then I'll up yours.