Cruel and Unusual Punishment

Professor to student asking about questions on final:

"I could make it easy for you, but I won't.   I only have so long to torture you."

Genealogy, I Am Doing It...

My dad wasn't a member of the church, but he was more interested in genealogy than most members are...which we find is typical.


- Professor

That's Gotta Hurt

Kenric Russell (at the end of a phone interview):  So, if you were in my shoes, how would you prepare over the next two months for this internship?

Interviewer:  I would learn a little bit more about marketing.

Does Not Compute

"I didn't know they could be funny."

 

- Anonymous MBA Student about MISM student in Project Management

"Force Fields" is never the wrong answer

Professor:  "Anyone know how the military does that?"

 

Luke Terry:  "Force fields."

Crossing Over

Wait, what was that you said about not crossing a bound?  Like in LDS dating, we set a line and we cannot cross it?  Is that the kind of bound you are talking about?


- Professor

Hats Off

Professor: "I never wear hats cause I look stupid." (then puts on a hat)

Julie Hulet & Emily Tanner: "No you don't, that looks good!"

Ryan Wilson: "Actually, I'm with him on this one."

Happy Place

You want to put me in my happy place.

- Professor

"Gross" Margin

There's margin, and then there's margin.  This is the margin before all the bad stuff.

- Professor

Cheddar Sushi

I wanted to go to Cheddar's in Philadelphia, but Gary wanted sushi...and they don't have sushi at Cheddar's.

- Britt Chapman

Mathlete

Because he gives us some sort of exchange rate, does that mean we have to do some sort of...math?


- James Hatch

Family Man

Oliver Christensen: How does he have five kids and look that good?

Ronell Hugh: Maybe because he has five kids he looks that good.

Dr. Funny

You can’t find an item that everyone thinks is funny.  That item lives with the unicorn and sasquatch.  It doesn’t exist.   


- Professor

Faux Shizzle

The faux hawk is the mullet of this generation.

 - Professor

Move Over Edward...There's a New Heartthrob on Campus

Emily Tanner: I'm talking about LeBaron.

Ronell Hugh: The leadership heartthrob?

He Puts the "Bro" in "Nabrotzky"

(Talking about diversity in our International HR Class.)

There's so much more to diversity than just race and ethnicity. I mean, look at Eminem. He was raised in the hood.


- Joe Nabrotzky

This is SOOOOO Wrong

Mark Stoker: Where's your green?

Oliver Christensen: I'm not Irish and I'm wearing a green thong.

He Counts Good and Spells Even Gooder

Professor:  I can think of a word that starts with a "C" and ends with a "Y".
(writes on the board) "CRYBABIE"

Nathan Child: And that's two words.

Attitude of Gratitude

(Speaking of clients of a fund manager who just saved them a lot of $$$.)

Professor:  They will be ready to kiss him on all four cheeks!.....(covers face with hands) I shouldn't have said that.

Outsourcing

Professor:  Moroni, I noticed you didn't get up and give your paper to someone else.

Moroni Schwab:  I gave it to Shan, and she did it for me.

Oliver Christensen:  He outsourced it...to China.

No Means No

Professor: Why would you prefer synthetic cash to real cash?

Greg Lee: It gives you flexibility to back out of the contract.

Professor: No.

Greg: It's less risky.

Professor: No.

Greg: You sank my battleship!

Memories of Omaha

Arriving at airport in Omaha, NE:
Allison Clements:  Craig [Anderson], I feel like you're my dad right now. I'm hungry. Are you going to buy me dinner?


Driving from the car rental parking lot at the airport in Omaha:
Craig Anderson:  Can you make sure it's the other group behind us?
Kate Lindsay:  Yeah, two old men in the front. Two 20 year old girls in the back? Yeah, it's them.


At the "Steak & Lube" diner in Omaha:
Kate:  What's the difference between leaded & unleaded drinks?
Allison:  Caffeine?
Kristan Brooks:  (Pause, & possible eye roll) Alcohol.


Driving around Omaha:
Craig (in driver's seat):  Oh look, you're like my wife!
Brent Walker (in passenger's seat): This is so wrong, how did I end up here? But it seems so right.


Driving across a river in Omaha:
Kate:  Look! It's the Washington Monument of Nebraska!
Allison:  THAT is a bridge.

360 Review

Heather [Archibald], I think you're amazing in spite of what your heuristics feedback says.


- Oliver Christensen

Cheaters Never Prosper?

I have the grades to prove I don't cheat.


- Greg Lee

Prison Break

When this class is over I'm pretty sure the feeling will be comparable to the feeling one gets when being released from prison.


- Erin Page

Fo Shizzle My Professizle

Oh, snap! ...or whatever you guys say.

- Professor

LOL, R U N HL?

I don't know what all the fuss about 160 characters is.  It's evidence that the world is going to hell.  But since I believe that the world is, in fact, going to hell, we might as well make some money on our way there.

- Professor

Loading...

Professor:  We're going to write a program that we'll call "Wait For Load."

Brandon Anderson:  Sometimes when I don't eat enough fiber I have to wait for my load.

Effective or Less Effective?

Discussing whether speed limits should be increased... this was cited as a PRO...

 

"Higher speed limits kill people more effectively."

 

- Professor

International Business

Go ahead and throw Brazil out the window.  Flush the UK down the drain.  We only care about Walmart.

- Professor

Don't Touch My Chattel

If Kyle [Lemmon] had invited me to touch his chattel, then I could do it and it would be OK.

- Professor

Class of 2011: Wit Wanted

Do you feel witty?  Oh, so witty?  If so, and you also want to take over the quote blog, email me.  Actually, wit is not really required at all.  Look at me.  I don't have any, and I'm running the blog.  So basically, if you want to take over the blog, email me.

This blog, like a fine family heirloom, needs to be handed down from one generation to the next.  Remember that chair in Legacy?  Yeah, this is like that, but better because it's not a chair - it's a super funny blog.  But it won't keep being super funny unless a new blog bearer steps forth.  The job is not glamorous.  It's not easy.  Ok, yeah it is.  And it's a lot of fun.  So, who will be the new Frodo Blogger?  The new Sir (or Lady) Blogs-a-lot?  The new Blogger McBloggerton?

Or, alternatively, we can just open the blog up to the general posting public...but that idea makes me a little uneasy.  I like censorship, or control, or both.

Anyway, enough of that crap.  Just email me.

Apparently, I'm a "Catastrophic failure"

I know this isn't a quote, but I just had to share this.  I got this error today while working in VBA. I guess I did something very, very wrong.

Love means Sacrifice

(Discussing the sacrifices of being married while in the MBA program)

David Olligschlager:  I couldn't handle it.

David Wood:  You couldn't handle having your wife in school?

David Olligschlager:  No, having a wife.

Get Behind Me

If Lucifer wants me to wear a shirt that says "Lucifer" on it, I'll wear it if its free.


- Professor

Cute and Cuddly

Babies are cute, but if you look at an embryo it looks like a monster.


- Professor

Social (In)Security

(Discussing Social Security)

Jake Jarvis:  So this is essentially a zero-percent interest loan to the government?

Professor:  It's actually a giant Ponzi scheme.

Extreme Sports

It's not like we bungee jump naked off the side of the bridge or anything.


- Professor

Family Inheritance

On my wife's side of the family there is mental illness, on my side there is mental illness...sometimes I wonder if I have some of that.


- Professor

Risk Management

The riskiest thing you could do in life is have kids...cuz you could get an axe murderer or an apostle.

- Professor

What the What?!?

Professor:  Any natural redheads in here?

MPA Student:  I am.

Professor:  You’re screwed, aren’t you?

I wasn't going for Isaiah 55

Professor: Our parties aren't like your parties, our jokes aren't like your jokes...

Tim Hart: My thoughts are not your thoughts...

Happy Guy

I just hate "happy" so much I enjoyed throwing it out.

- Professor

Job Diversification as an MBA

Allison Clements:  I need to go prep for my job interview in half an hour.

Marissa Dorny:  I probably need to call Janice Kapp Perry.

Slackers!

Janessa Cloward: I can't wait to be a second year. They hardly do anything!

Ray Kearney: Embrace your first year...stop doing things now!

Comfort Food

Talking about comfort food:

 

"You never find comfort in carrot sticks."

- Kate Lindsay

I Like Words

"... selling a GRUNDLE of bonds... that means a lot..."

 

Professor

Aces

I like negotiating with Catholic hospitals.  Anybody that can put an infertility clinic in a Catholic hospital...now that's an ace negotiator.


- Guest Speaker

Name Game

(discussing the intimate customer knowledge of the Ritz-Carlton)

Nathan Child (looking at Riley): "So, for example, if you have twenty different Riley Nelsons..."

Riley Anderson: "Or, Anderson."

Fat Cats

Professor talking about the difference between 2nd years who have jobs lined up and those who do not:

"One of them is fat and happy sitting in a hot tub, and the other is on the brink of alcoholism."

Total Domination

James Pearce:  That's like the rule of Crappy People.

Professor:  The what?

James:  The rule of Crappy People.

Professor:  Tell me, I don't know the rule.

James:  It's from the reading...


Professor:  (blank look) [and yes, it actually was in the reading]

Sign up for the Talent Show!

Sign up for Almost Famous - the MBA Talent Show!

https://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=0AlCSwRvHGBvKdEZlMEJZQlo0Q3lvZGlFR1NoSm1wTkE&hl=en

He's No Saint

Rand Blair:  You mentioned you want us to incorporate the spiritual aspect into our negotiations. Now, if we get through six or seven without doing that, are you okay with that?

Professor:  Clearly, Rand, you need to be going to Church more.

Performance Enhancers

Professor (discussing Gatorade vs. Powerade):  Anyone drink Powerade ?

Cody Coombs:  I drink both.

 

Kent Ferguson:  It doesn't help.

Zing!

Trevor Paulson [to Oliver]:  Are you stalking me?  You should lose some poundage if you want to stalk people.  It'd be easier.

Bling

Jenny Clawson: Hey Julie, I have a goal and I think it should be yours too.

Julie Kellet: What’s that?

Jenny: To be financially independent by age 40.

Julie: Oh. I already have that--that’s why I am going to sell jewelry.

Bully

Professor:  I'm going to be gone on Wednesday, so we can have a substitute, we can reschedule, or I can just cancel class.

Jesse Carman:  I'll take a substitute.

Brandon Anderson:  Which means you'll also take a punch to the throat.

Selfless Service

Jenny Clawson:  I teach Sunday School to a bunch of 14-year-olds.

Brandon Anderson:  Ouch.  Teenagers have no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Jenny:  I know.  I hate it!  I hate serving!

I'm Lovin' It

Oliver Christensen:  We should have gone to McDonald's.

Matt Dedrick: I didn't want to burden you with McDonald's again.

Oliver:  A McGriddle is never a burden.

Rich Wilcox:  It's a burden on your colon.

Glory Days

Professor:  Did I tell you my story about the paper company when I worked for BCG?

Eric Fors: {incredulously} You worked for BCG?