You Can't Always Get What You Want

Matthew Dedrick:  I ordered a raspberry fritter and got a raspberry-filled doughnut.

Allison Clements:  Yeah, I hate it when I don't get what I want.

I Want Candy

After one Professor showed another professor that he brought candy to class:

"Oh, you bring treats and spoil the kids?  This is why they like some Primary teachers more than others."

Mmmm...Bacon...

It's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearing bacon underwear.

- Brandon Wells

People of Walmart

You're not as sophisticated as the Walmart shopper.

- Shaun Neeley to Nathan Child

Business Strategy

Be nice on Sundays, but in business step on their throat!

- Professor

Great Scott!

Professor:  So did anyone pick up on what they were doing with Plutonium in the case?

awkward pause and silence (besides the sounds of keyboards typing)

James Pearce:  Time travel.

Chris Kellett, Ladies & Gentlemen

Chris Kellet:  That was awful!

Professor:  You just completely destroyed the moment, Chris.

Oliver Christensen:  That's typical.

Is That Bill Shakespeare?

If you're going to be an idiot, be true to yourself.

- Craig Anderson

Fun-ance

You suffered through Grant [McQueen]'s class, right?

- Anonymous Professor

Baby Daddy

The difference between you and me is that your babies are all at home.  I don't know where all mine are at.

-Nathan Child to Brian Hall

My Turn on Wall Street

Greg Lee:  I-bankers never said it would be easy, they only said it would be worth it.

Rhyme Time

Jeremy Kearley:  Something my Mission President used to tell us was, "A man convinced against his own will is of the same opinion still."

Tim Hart:  Yeah, and there's always more truth if it rhymes.

Jack Bauer = Level 5 Leader

Jon Lewis:  So [for security] they have a hand reader for their time card punch.

Professor:  Jack Bauer would get their hand then.

Give It To Me Straight

Alan, you've always been able to say things that hit a little below the belt.

- Professor to Alan Kurpiewski

?!$%#!

Sayonara, Fathead!

- Professor

Apples with Apples

I always appreciated tall dudes that date tall girls.

- Julie Hulet

MBA = Make Bad Approximations

Professor:  I'm not making up numbers.  I'm approximating.

Oliver Christensen:  Isn't that the same thing?

Soda Jerk

David Liddicoat: You shouldn't drink soda.  It's bad for you.

Carlo Bena: They say it leads to child obesity.  I'm not a child.  I'm not obese.

Workin' Hard or Hardly Workin'?

I've done work for a solid half hour.  Let's play foosball.

- Steve Jackson

Silly? Really?

I am a silly man.  And I become sillier as each year passes.

- Professor

VBA - It's All Greek To Me

Would you say that we'd be in trouble [on the test] if we understood less than, say, 12% of what we've covered?

- Britt Chapman

Ivory Tower

I was a soft-fingered, ivory tower weenie.

- Professor

Man Bag

"It's not a purse, it's a satchel.  Indiana Jones had one."

"Yah, and so did the little mermaid."

- Kelsey Harris, gchat status

U.S. Edition: $200; International: $100; India: $50

You’re taking money off my family’s table with that cheap textbook reproduction.

- Another reference to Latrell Spreewell from a certain professor

Social Butterfly

Professor:  So going to Costco is a social event?

Oliver Christensen:  Everything with me is a social event.

Reading Nook

Phil Lewis:  I've been reading a fun book in my spare time.

Mike Brady:  You have spare time?

Phil Lewis:  You know, when I'm in the bathroom.

Guess Who

Professor:  Tell me what’s wrong with me!

Anonymous Student:  We don’t have that much time!

Wolverines!!!

Professor:  Anyone willing to share their results statement?  About exercise?

JJ Webb:  I want to look like Wolverine.

A Sure Thing

Professor:  So you're telling me life in finance is not a sure thing?

Brian Clegg:  It's not.

Professor:  Now do you want to go back and change your major to engineering?

Brian:  No.  I already did that.

Pray Always

Ronell Hugh:  We forgot to pray this morning.

Paul Winterowd:  Nothing like morning prayer at 11:15 pm.

Elisa Clements:  We'll do another for tomorrow in 45 minutes.

Shocking Behavior

Rand Blair:  Are you really going to shock somebody though?

Kyle Freebairn:  If that's what it takes.

Just The Two Of Us

Professor:  "I'm a late bloomer.  I didn't get married until later in life, when I was 35 years old."

 

Brian Henderson:  "You and me both."

Strategic Resource Acquisition

Elisa Clements:  Allison has a boyfriend.

Allison Clements:  Yes, I acquired one over the recruiting break.

(Allison, I'm sorry.  Mathew made me post this.)

Religous Devotion

In my neighborhood they call Stake Conference Sunday "second Saturday".

- Professor

And We Wonder Why Everyone Hates Us Americans...

Brian Henderson: "What language are you speaking?"

 

Greek Person: "Greek."

 

Brian: "You speak it REALLY well."

 

- Brian Henderson, to two Greek crepe shop owners in Paris, upon hearing them speak another language

Prima Donna

Brian Henderson to French Guy:  "He's kind of a prima donna. You know, has to bring two suitcases to Europe."

 

French Guy to Rick Swensen:  "You packed two suitcases and you chose to wear that?" 

 

- French guy in Paris to Rick Swensen, who struggled to board the train with his two large suitcases while wearing classically american jeans and a baby blue fleece

Cookie Monster

"You keep bringing cookies this delicious into info sessions and you'll recruit all the top talent you can handle."

- Britt Chapman, to the HR recruiter at Barclay's in London after her presentation to the BYU group, on the cookie selection at our briefing

Book Lernin'

It turns out that when students study stuff, they learn stuff.  It's kind of a strange correlation.

- Professor