Apparently analytics is totally against the honor code

Professor:  "The analytics people need to be eating, drinking, and sleeping with the people in the business.  Well, I guess not sleeping with them."

The secret to success in analytics

(after watching an clip from The Fog of War with the profanity edited out)

Professor:  So what did we learn from this video?
Edgar Cheney:  You can't have analytics without swearing.
Dan Howell:  Hell yeah!

Don't we all...

Rick Swensen: My wife made me zucchini bread this morning
Jennia Parkin: I need a wife!
Rick: I highly recommend it

Nature's Beauty

Passing a bunch of stopped cars in Yellowstone National Park, Vasanth Yenegalla, through the window, asked a stopped tourist what everyone was looking at. The tourist turned to answer, but the driver of his car (Dave Olligschlager) didn't stop, and Vasanth protested saying, "Stop! Stop! She won't know what creature was talking to her!" Dave stopped the car 30 feet later, and Vasanth leaped from the car like a kid at Christmas. 

 

Moments later, Dave asked, "Who let Vasanth out of the car? We better all go out and get him." Vasanth returned before we got far.  He was then asked, "What was it? How good is it on a scale of 1 to 10?" Vasanth answered, "it's an elk, really far down there! I don't know what you will think, but for me it was a 9!" (To give you a scale, he later rated an incredibly beautiful ravine a "3".)

Well, it was probably a LITTLE different

Dave Stuart:  I lost my cell phone and didn't have it for a whole month and it was like not having the holy ghost.

Everyone thanks you for that promise

While discussing Nicole's plans to take over the world in a team meeting:

Nicole Clement: Y'all can be my minions!

Tyler Blackhurst: Oooh, I've always wanted to be a bouncer

Nicole: Ya'll just have to pay me a small bribe

Tyler then offers "I promise as your bouncer to never strip." 

Nicole: Uh, thanks Tyler!

I'm sure there are plenty of answers to that question

A first-year professor explained how his wife got rid of the tv 6 years ago.  He then asked her: "How else are you supposed to commune with Satan?"

Divine Intervention is Definitely Needed Here

Dick Smith: When is the big Date? (asking about Andrea's wedding)

Andrea Cordani: Its like the second coming,... only God knows!!

It's not just a river in... Brazil?

Professor:  How long is the Nile river?  4100 miles.
Doug Bodily:  Yeah!  Did any of our Brazilian friends get that!?
Classmate to Doug:  Um....the Nile is in Egypt Doug.

Just in from Moab...

Cannon Hamaker to Marketing Students in the Wal-Mart Lounge

“I at least want to know their name before I sleep with them.  When I wake up next to him in the morning I want to know what to call him.”

Mike Karlsven: “Is there a lot of abuse among the military spouses?”

Kari Ann Young:  “They’re trained killers, Mike.”

Ouch

(On going to the New Graduate Student Dinner)
Anonymous:  "I just want to meet new men because all of the MBA ones are bad.

Same professor, different quote

Professor:  "It's like the Emperor's New Clothes. We don't want to expose all of our bad stuff. Wait, that's a terrible analogy."

WAAAAAAAAAAAAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION!

Professor:  Sometimes I take my laptop to bed and stroke it while I fall asleep.  My wife has finally convinced me to not take it camping with us, but it's definitely an integral part of my life.  I just get some warm fuzzy feelings thinking about how that sleek apple performs so quickly.

BYU-style Payback

(First comment of IT class before class even starts)
Josh Kruse:  I'll be honest, that article was a major snoozer.
(Class laughs)
Professor:  And praying us today will be Josh Kruse...

The best future father in the world award goes to Jack!

Jack Shirts:  I really want my baby, in utero, to appreciate Boyz II Men!