From China with love

(Apologies in advance for the self-indulgent nature of the next two posts.  Going on a trip to China with a bunch of students can generate a lot of ridiculous quotes, but instead of spreading them out over multiple posts, I'll condense them to two:  one for Jack Shirts, one for everyone else who went to China.  This is the "everyone else" post)

"Print advice?  Is that like a fortune cookie or something?"
 -Janessa Cloward to the Chinese ATM asking if she wanted a receipt (aka advice)

Elena Samuels:  "You speak Spanish?
Chris DuBois:  "No, but I speak cajones"

"How bout Chinese food for dinner tonight?  Yeah, I could go for some Chinese"
-Everyone after 10 straight days of Chinese food

Kelsey Harris:  "We ordered our first meal without Chinese speakers!"
Chris DuBois:  "Yeah.  At Pizza Hut.  And the menu had pictures.  And we still screwed it up"

"Don't sit on the ground in China.  Don't ask me, why, just don't."
-Dr. Fawcett

"You are all employees of the Kelsey Harris Company"
-Kelsey Harris after the nametags at Google implied we all worked for Kelsey

"I wouldn't bounce in the elevator if I were you.  It says Hitachi, but I'm pretty sure it was made in China."
-Trevor McEwen while riding in the elevator in the hotel in Beijing

Chris DuBois. (to annoying street vendor):  "Bu yao!" (meaning "I don't want it!)
Street vendor:  "Bu yao?  You speak excellent Chinese!"

"Are you a shy boy?!?"
-Suit store lady to all of the men buying suits in Shanghai when asking if we wanted her to hold up a sheet as we tried our suits on.

"Oh forget it shy boy!"  *throws sheet away*
-Suit store lady to James Core after she accidently pinned James's shirt to his pants

Jim Fowler:  "What's sorcery?"
James Core:  "I'm pretty sure that says sourcherry"
-Trying to order a sourcherry sundae at Burger King in Hong Kong

"Don't eat butter for every meal."
-Jim Fowler

"I was put on this earth to eat Caio's jalapenos"
-Chris DuBois after a 10 days of Caio avoiding spicy food

Jack Shirts, International Man of Comedy

(Apologies in advance for the self-indulgent nature of the next two posts.  Going on a trip to China with a bunch of students can generate a lot of ridiculous quotes, but instead of spreading them out over multiple posts, I'll condense them to two:  one for Jack Shirts, one for everyone else who went to China.  This is the "Jack Shirts" post) 

"You can call me hot lips if you want"
-Jack to Eric Fors after eating something spicy

Jack:  "That was when I could breathe through my nose"
Eric Fors:  "What, you still have a marshmallow lodged in there?"

Jack:  "I could be one of those acrobat girls on a bicycle!"

Jack:  "I liked Ford's info session the best"
James Core:  "That's because the guy kept swearing."
Jack:  "Kept things interesting though!"

Sister Fawcett:  "You don't want to wait too long--you'll get old, fat, and bald and no one will want to marry you."
Jack:  "HEY!!!"

"Oh Jack...  let's try that again!"
-Elena Samuels to Jack after yet another scary picture

Jack:  "I wish I had a tail."
Kelsey:  "Then you'd have to wear the split bum pants like the little kids."
(Referring to the pants that little kids wear so they can squat on the side of the road...  yeah, it's gross)

"They cut my hair--my one hair"
-Jack after getting his head washed and finding one hair was longer than the rest

"You're Listening to NBD..."

To a Korean Student

Professor: Do you listen to NPR?

Student: No.

Professor:  It stands for National Public Radio.  It carries news programs.  Korean is your mother tongue, right?

Student: Yes.

Professor:  If I were driving through Korea, I'd probably be listening to Nong Bong Dah

2 for the price of 1, the true Costco way

In a conversation about how it takes forever to get out of Costco...

 

"And then you have the temptress with the pizza..."

- Dustin Cook

 

About how economical the meals at costco are...

 

"A piece of pizza and a drink for 2.70?? That's like 1980!!"

- Dustin Cook

Too Sexy Indeed

Today while working on a group project:

Dave Olligschlager's phone rings and Matt Zabawa passes Dave his phone while reading the caller id:

Matt: "Oh, Andrea!" (Spoken like a true american) "Is that your girlfriend?"

Dave: "Far from. HE is too hairy for me."

Trust Her On This One...

Nicole Whitehead overhead explaining to Andrea Cordani: "I know. I'm right. I'm always right."

Wow, Rough Day For The MPAs!

Professor: One day, you will own 4 beamers and a 25,000 sf house.

Student: Well, not me, I'm an MPA student.

(Crazy laughter from the class).

Professor: Let me rephrase that...you will sitting in your tent thinking, I want that 12 foot trailer.

Hopefully Helping People Is A Good Enough Reward...

"Dear Nathan, congratulations on getting your MPA, we're sorry you didn't decide to go for the big bucks"

Professor

Taking "Stay At Home" To The Next Level

"She's not a stay at home mom right now... she's a stay at home person..."

Professor

Verbal Filters Are No Fun

"Sometimes you don't know exactly what you're going to say, and then when you hear it, it's kinda stupid"

Professor

His Eye Is On The Sparrow

Jack Shirts: grades and GPAs don't matter anyway, right?

Dallan Huff: the Lord knows what your GPA is, Jack

Janessa Cloward: I don't think the Lord cares what my GPA is

Dallan: if the Lord cares about a sparrow falling, He cares about what your GPA is

Summer Quotes

Hey everyone

As I'm the new quotemaster round these parts, I first wanted to take the chance to thank Brandon for all of the hard, hilarious work he's done with this blog. I won't be changing much, since he's set a pretty good standard, although if anyone has any suggestions, feel free to send them my way.

Although the volume of quotes won't be as high over the summer, the blog won't be closing! Feel free to send any funny quotes that happen this summer over to me; you can come up with a title yourself or you can trust my comedic skills. My email address is ckdubois@gmail.com.

Also, don't forget to share the quote blog address to any incoming '12ers you may know!

Have a great summer everyone,
-Chris

Yu, Mi, & Kimchee

Professor:  Do you know where most of the Kimchee comes from?

Korean Student Yumi Lee:  Korea?

Professor:  No.  China.

Yumi:  Noooooooooo!!!!!

Take Off, Eh!

Jared Mackrory:  Sometimes they act like hosers.

Rand Blair: Jared, quit using slang from 10 years ago.

Steve Jackson: What are you talking about?  They use the word "Hoser" in Canada now.

Rand Blair: Case in point.

What Do Germans NOT Hate?

Germans HATE inflation.  Italians and French love the stuff.  But Germans HATE inflation.  They won't tolerate the stuff.


- Professor